Mania
by Songstone
Summary: A swear-happy young man with tourettes syndrome, a gorgeous blond with an eating disorder, and a hyper sexual Uchiha; collage life will be complicated enough for them as it is, but you haven't even met their love interests yet.
1. Just another morning

**Mania**

**A story by Songstone**

**Songstone: Again. Me and my sister were at it AGAIN. XD We were up at four in the morning, talking, when we were supposed to be sleeping and getting ready for school. XD But it seemed fun, and the idea was worth writing. So here we go!  
**

**Chapter 1: Just another morning**

"Oooh . . . ahhhnn . . . j-just . . . mmfffnnn . . ." The raven hair lay spread out in a thin blanket of silk as the man rolled onto his back. His face was contorted in a look of hazy pleasure and his mouth opened in a light gasp as he arched up off the bed. "Uhhnnn . . ."

"Hey, fuckface, wake up!" A voice suddenly broke through the chain of moans coming from the man on the bed.

"Haa-aah . . ." The other continued, oblivious to the pounding on his bedroom door. He squirmed, moving his hands to rest on either side of his head while his hips twitched up. He moaned again. "Y-yeah . . .aaahhhmmm . . ." He panted out in his dream-induced ecstasy.

"Hey, didn't you hear me the first . . ." The voice trailed off as the door was pushed open. "Bastard." He said rather suddenly. In the next second, the invader of the raven haired man's room peeked his head back out into the hall. "Hey, Deidara! Your turn to wake him up!"

No answer came for a moment, but then another male's voice spoke up from the hall bathroom. "Kind of busy, un. You wake him, Hidan."

The white haired man in the doorway swore under his breath before turning back to the other on the bed. "You owe me one . . ." He grumbled.

"Oh . . . ah . . . aaahhhnnn!" The moaning got increasingly louder as the other moved about the bed, tossing his head back while straightening out and also bending his legs. "Oooh . . . yes." He settled into a position on his side, legs and arms securely holding his pillow against himself. "Mm . . . ahhh . . . uhhhhnnnn!"

"Itachi, stop fucking your pillow and wake up!" Hidan called down to the other. He grabbed a hold of the man's shoulder and shook him roughly from side to side relentlessly until the moans turned into surprised yelps.

"H-Hidan! Stop shaking me!" Itachi shouted up at his friend. He grabbed onto his wrists to make him stop and sat up quickly, eyes wide and hair wild. "What the hell did you do that for?" He demanded to know.

Hidan just raised an eyebrow at him and smirked before pointing downwards. He blinked his eyes a bit, roughly, and wrinkled his nose in spasms, making a light grunting noise. He shook his had and slowly the blinking stopped. "You were at it again, fuckface."

Itachi didn't seem to note the strange behaviour the other had. He only followed Hidan's finger downwards. His black eyes widened in surprise when he saw the white haired man had been indicating his groin. And indeed, there was a building problem growing down there.

"Geez, Itachi. You should at least wear underwear when you go to bed." Hidan laughed down at the other.

Itachi yanked his pillow close to himself and placed it in his lap, his cheeks taking on a light pinkish hue. "Stop staring, freak." He ordered, waving his hand for the other to leave his room.

Hidan sniggered and averted his eyes to appease the other. His eyes began to twitch again and he blinked them rapidly and roughly. His mouth moved slightly, curling his lips down in a pout before bearing his teeth. He grunted lightly and then hissed out the word "Bastard" between his teeth.

Itachi didn't seem to take offense. He just shut his eyes and squirmed a bit, uncomfortable with his friend in the room now. He glanced to the clock, however, and swore lightly. "Why didn't you tell me what time it was? I'm going to be late." He uncovered himself and got to his feet, turning his back to the other as he reached into his closet.

Hidan took a moment, looking over Itachi's bare body. He whistled lightly, but when the raven haired man just flipped him the middle finger, he laughed and left the room to give him some privacy.

However, he was barely down the hall towards his room when Itachi had followed after him. He was still buck naked, but had his clothes and a towel tucked under his arm. "Deidara." He called into the bathroom when he saw that it was occupied. "Hurry up. I need a bath."

On the other side of the door, there was silence and then a shuffling sound as Itachi's second roommate moved about. "Just . . . just a minute, un." Deidara called out to Itachi. The toilet flushed and water ran in the sink for a while. Everything was quiet, and the noises coming from the restroom indicated that the man in there was brushing his teeth.

"Hurry up, I said." The onyx eyes man ordered as he knocked again on the door.

"Wait up!" Deidara called back after a moment. "If you're in that much of a hurry, then go take a shower in Hidan's room, un."

Itachi rolled his eyes. Of course Hidan had wanted the master bedroom when the first moved into their home. The one room with a separate bathroom. The selfish jerk. "I can't. The drain is plugged up, remember? The dummy didn't fix it yet."

Finally, the water stopped running and the fan inside whirled to life as Deidara hit the switch. He unlocked the door and pulled it open after another moment. He was untying his hair from a long ponytail, his bangs falling over the left side of his face when he finally got the tie out.

"Oh God . . . Itachi, un." The blond quickly averted his gaze when he saw that the other as naked and he inched away from him as he made his way out of the restroom. "Quit walking around like that!"

The raven haired man only watched his friend's reaction before his eyes seemed to gleam and he turned to walk into the restroom. He bent over, scooping up some towels lying scattered on the floor, giving the other a rather good view of his behind. "You know you like what you see." He said in a low tone, smirking over his shoulder at Deidara.

Deidara only turned a deep shade of red and squeaked something out before he hurried away, down the hall, two doors down to his bedroom.

"Shake it, baby." Hidan laughed as he passed the open restroom door. "Bastard." He added a second later. "Whoops. Sorry." He called back at Itachi as he made his way to the kitchen to get something to eat before they all headed of to school together.

Itachi snorted, used to Hidan's insult by then. He couldn't really blame the man for his Tourette Syndrome even if he wanted to. He knew it was something he couldn't stop easily, so what was the point of making a huge deal out of nothing?

Turning the water on, Itachi didn't even bother to shut the restroom door while he bathed. He liked to put on that sort of display for his roommates every now and then. He smirked and began to run his hands up and down his chest and stomach when he saw Deidara coming from down the hall.

"Guh . . . pervert, un." The blond said, covering his eyes as he hurried passed the room. Once safely in the kitchen, he sighed and took a seat at the table, setting his book bag onto the floor besides himself.

"Hey, Dei." Hidan said when he spotted the other. He was busily munching down on a piece of toast and held out another slice for his friend to take.

Deidara shook his head and held up his hand. "No thanks. I ate earlier, un." He said, leaning on his elbows against the table.

Hidan began to blink again as he took a seat opposite the other. "Damn annoying tics." He hissed at the unintentional blinking he'd started. They went away a second later, and he sighed in relief. "You oughta eat more, blondie. You're looking really pale lately."

Deidara looked up at hearing that and absently tucked some hair behind his ear, feeling his own face. "Really? Hm. Guess I need to go out and exercise a bit more. Get some sun, un." He mused.

Hidan snorted. "You're always running, Deidara. It's not the exercise since you're in damn fine shape." He wiggled his eyebrows to prove that point.

"You're as bas as Itachi!" Deidara accused, shaking his head with a light groan.

Hidan barked in laughter. "Me? Nah." He waved a hand. "Don't compare me to that hyper sexual prick, Dei-chan." He sniggered around another tic that moved his mouth in an odd 'o' shape.

The blond rolled his blue eyes and began to scratch the surface of their kitchen table in a bored fashion. "I hope Itachi doesn't make us late, un."

"He probably will. It might take him a good twenty minutes to get ready. Ten to shower. Ten to jack off and get rid of the little problem between his legs." He laughed at the red colour Deidara's face turned at that. He held out the piece of toast to the man again. "C'mon. Eat something Deidara."

Still blushing, Deidara shook his head. "No. I told you I already ate, un." He refused.

"Just eat the damn . . ." Hidan's eyes twitched again and he blinked them hard. "Bastard." He blurted out. "Sorry." He shook his head, though his eyes and mouth continued to move for a while. "Just eat something before school. You're going to faint again if you don't."

"Will not. I feel fine, un." The younger pouted and shook his head to the offered food. "I'll eat at lunch." He promised, to make Hidan stop glaring at him in that irritated fashion.

"Yeah, you'll eat. But I want you to eat something and not throw it up ten minutes later." Hidan said in a bored tone.

"Shut up." Was all Deidara said to that. His friends knew he was bulemic, and it was rare for either of them to try and force him to eat. It got on his nerves a lot and he usually never listened, so they didn't try as hard as they did when they were in middle school and high school.

But with those piercing pink eyes boring holes into his head, Deidara finally gave a sigh and reached out. "Give me that." He ordered, snatching the toast out from Hidan's hand. He rolled his eyes and bit into it, chewing and giving his house mate a 'you'd better be happy' look.

It seemed that he was. Hidan grinned and reached out, petting Deidara's hair lightly. "Atta boy." He chuckled, narrowly avoiding a punch the blond tossed at him for messing up his hair.

"Are we ready here?" Itachi's voice suddenly came from the doorway as he watched the two. He was still dressing it seemed. He was pulling his shirt on, and his pants were open in the front, slowly sliding down his hips.

"Oh? Finished that quick?" Hidan laughed, lightly ticking, though not expelling any words this time.

"I wasn't doing what you think I was." Itachi said flatly, fixing himself up until he was properly dressed. "Deidara wasted all of the water again, so my shower had to be a cold one." He didn't seem to pleased about that fact, since he glared at the blond lightly.

"Excuse _me_." Deidara said sarcastically as he pushed himself away from the table and picked up his bag, still nibbling on the toast. "Let's get going then, guys. Un." He said.

Hidan gave a nod to that and grabbed the keys from the counter before Deidara could, sneering and waving them in front of himself proudly. "I'm driving today, pretty boy. You nearly crashed last time."

"But it's _my_ car, un!" Deidara protested, still trying to snatch the from his friend.

"Tough luck, blondie." Hidan chuckled.

Itachi, however, had other things in mind. He took the keys off of the white haired man's finger and twirled them on his own before holding them safely in his palm. "I'm driving." He clarified. "Hidan, your tics are bad today. Deidara, you look ready to keel over. I'll be the designated driver out of our little freak show. Come on."

Without leaving room for argument, Itachi simply grabbed his things and left the house, leaving the door open for the others to follow him.

Deidara exchanged looked with Hidan before they both shrugged. Hidan gathered his things together and quickly hurried after the blond, shutting and locking the door after himself. He raced into the car, cursing at Deidara for calling shotgun before him, and then they were headed towards the campus grounds.

It was just another typical morning. No big deal.

**Songstone: ...Are we going to hell for this? o3o;; I hope not! XD I'm having fun writing for Hidan. Look up the disorders if you want a better explanation of what they are, since I'm sure I didn't do a good job explaining. Anyway, please review and tell me what you thought! R&R!**


	2. Encountering the problems

**Mania  
**

**A story by Songstone**

**Songstone: Yep, I finally got to writing this second chapter! XD Don't know how many of you guys actually wanted to read the rest since this story wasn't one of my best or mot popular. But yeah, I hope that those of you who wanted to read it enjoy. XD;;**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

**Chapter 2: Encountering the problems**

"I'll see you at lunch guys!" Deidara called over his shoulder as he raced away from Itachi and Hidan. He waved to them both and in a flash was running down the opposite hall from them.

He had Science first, which wasn't really a favorite of his. Deidara preferred art class out of his whole schedule. At least there, he knew what they were talking about. English was something he enjoyed as well.

He hurried down the hall, his footsteps echoing around him and the few other kids that occupied the hallway. He was busily counting the doors as he sped by them (oh, the teachers would _kill_ him if they caught him now), searching for his room number.

He grunted in surprise when he crashed into something full force. The blow knocked him straight back, onto the floor where his books scattered along with nearly everything he carried in his bag. "Oh crap!" He mumbled, rubbing his tailbone.

"What the fu - watch where you're going!" Someone suddenly barked down at him.

Deidara froze as he began to gather his books together off of the ground and slowly looked over his shoulder and straight up.

Holy hell! The man he'd bumped into was _huge_!

"Uh . . .un. Sorry." He squeaked out quietly. His eyes moved over the other's features, though, and he tried his best not to stare more than he already was.

The person he'd hit had black hair hanging just below his ears. It was straight, not messy in the slightest way. Deidara would have been jealous if he wasn't petrified.

Two green orbs were focused on him as the man turned around. He had tattoos resembling stitches over his face and down his arms. Or at least as far down as Deidara could see. The older man gave off a bad vibe. It had the blond meekly scooting away as he reached for his books.

"Kakuzu, calm down. You're scaring him." Another voice was heard suddenly. It snapped Deidara out of the trance-like state he'd entered when the other had fixed his angered green eyes on him. And it seemed to calm the older man down as well since he snorted and rolled his eyes, looking away.

"Sorry about my friend." The voice continued. Looking off to his right, Deidara found a set of deep brown orbs blinking back at his own cerulean ones.

"Here are your books." A small smile was offered to the blond as the man speaking held out the said items to him. His hair was a bright, vibrant color of red unlike anything Deidara had seen.

"Thanks." Deidara said quietly, reaching out and taking his books from the other. He put them back into his bag and tucked his bangs behind his ear awkwardly while he slowly shifted to his feet.

The other male also rose to his feet, though he stood a bit shorter than Deidara. He paused a moment and glanced down before bending back down, scooping something up from the floor.

"You've good hygine, I see." He commented, smirking faintly as he held out a blue toothbrush to the blond.

Deidara's eyes had gone so wide he feared they might fall out of their sockets. He was horrified and he quickly took back the toothbrush, stuffing it back into his bag. His face was bright red, he was sure, since he could feel heat radiating off of it.

Ah well. At least the man hadn't inquired about _why_ Deidara carried a toothbrush in his bag. He just though he was one of those people who brushed after every meal.

But, of course, that wasn't what he used it for...

Well, he certainly wasn't going to tell him otherwise! Let him think what he wanted to!

"Ahaha . . . Y-yeah. Thank you again, un." He said, grinning slightly and nodding his head towards the redhead while he backed away slowly, heading for his class still.

"Sure. See you around." The other man waved him off with a small smile.

Deidara grinned back and turned around to hurry down the hall again--and nearly came into contact, face first, with an opening door. He let out a light gasp of surprise and backpedalled at the last minute, however, saving himself a trip to the nurse.

Though, the damage was still done. He heard nearly everyone who still remained in the hallway begin to laugh in amusement over his near-collision. And with a glance over his shoulder, he found that the redhead and his friend were chuckling as well.

Face heating up, Deidara quickly rushed around the now fully open door and down the hall, the loose hair that wasn't tied up swaying behind him.

Well . . . that had been quite embarrassing. Only a week into collage and he was already making a fool of himself. And in front of that guy, too!

He was kind of handsome, Deidara had to admit. He had nice eyes, and even that small smile he'd seen on him had been nearly perfect.

But he quickly got his mind onto the task at hand; getting to class on time. If he was too busy day dreaming over that other man, then he's surely run into many more doors in near the future.

- - -

"Mm . . . I bet he has a _huge_ cock."

Deidara coughed up the lemonade he'd just swallowed.

"What, un!?" He asked Itachi, turning to look at the man with slightly reddening cheeks.

"Aw great. I leave for, what was it? Three minutes? And Itachi's already changed the subject to cock." Hidan muttered as he returned to their lunch table, a few napkins in his hands. He dropped one in front of each of their lunch's and then reclaimed his seat. "Okay boys. Who's cock is the topic of discussion this time?"

"Geez, don't encourage him, Hidan. Un." Deidara muttered, nibbling at the corner of a piece of lettuce that came from his salad.

"His." Itachi continued, oblivious to Deidara's discomfort. He pointed a finger in a certain direction, and Hidan lifted his head to stare across the lunch room. Out of curiosity, the blond took a peek as well.

"The tall one? Tattoos?" Hidan asked.

"Oh shit . . ." Deidara cringed. Hidan was pointing towards a rather tall, dark skinned man with green eyes and black hair. The tattoos down his arms and on his face also stuck out, and the blond instantly recognized him as the man he had crashed into that morning.

"No, no, not him." Deidara breathed out a sigh of relief when Itachi shook his head. "The one besides him. The one with the blue hair."

"You mean the one picking his nose and flicking snot across the table?" The blond had to ask, turning and giving Itachi a questioning look when he had spotted the mentioned man. "Honestly, Itachi, I thought you had better taste than that, un."

"Seriously!" Hidan agreed, chuckling in his seat besides Deidara. "The blue guy?!"

"Laugh all you want, boys. But I'm betting anything that his cock is at least--"

"Itachi." Hidan interrupted him by slapping a hand over his mouth. "Blondie's turning green." He said, the rapid blinking of his eyes starting up again. Still, he grinned through the tics and snickered. "We're supposed to keep him from throwing up, not forcing him to." He chuckled, spitting out a choice swear word as the tics persisted.

Deidara's face heated up, and he glared at Hidan from the corner of his eye. He was sure that the white haired man didn't see anyway, since now he was complaining about how Itachi was licking his fingers.

"You love it." Itachi muffled as he wiped his mouth with the back of his wrist.

Hidan just whined and rubbed his palm off on a napkin Deidara handed him. "Sick!"

There was suddenly a loud crash from somewhere beyond their table, and all three boys lifted their heads to see what was wrong.

All three sets of eyes landed on the same thing; a redheaded man lying flat on his back of the lunchroom, his chair caught beneath him. He was cradling his head and struggling to pull himself up while the attacker (the blue skinned man that the three friends had just been discussing) shouted at him from across the table.

Deidara recognized him, of course, as the person who had called off his scary looking friend earlier in the morning. He made a light gasp and covered his mouth at seeing him sprawled out in a painful heap.

The last man at their table, the tall brunette with the tattoos, shot up from his seat and yanked roughly on the collar of his blue haired friend's shirt. He cursed at him a few times and then, with the patience of a peacemaker, punched the other in the stomach.

That seemed to get the guy's attention. He doubled over, and after a second or two of catching his breath, he began a series of hand gestures that signaled he was apologizing to the redhead he'd just shoved backwards.

Whilst the tattooed male helped the shorter man up from the ground and the bystanders that had been anxiously awaiting a fight slowly went back to their tables, Itachi, Hidan and Deidara exchanged glances.

Finally, Hidan broke the silence by swearing as his tics came back.

"Well...still think that his temper is worth his cock? Un." Deidara asked, resting his chin in his hand as he leaned against the table. He stabbed his fork into his salad and came up with a cherry tomato caught between the teeth; he lightly nibbled at it while he waited for Itachi's answer.

There was a rather blank, yet somehow surprised look spread out on the raven-haired man's face after seeing that outburst from his latest wannabe sex toy. He blinked his red eyes a few times, and then smirked as he went back to eating his cheeseburger. "It _will_ be worth it." He said rather positively.

Both Hidan and Deidara chorused an exasperated swear at that...though the blond was pretty sure it was unintentional on the other's part.

**Songstone: I gotta say I have to thank quite a few people who actually inquired about this story to me personally. It surprised me that they were eager for more. So, I'll dedicate this chapter to them. You know who you are! 8D Please, R&R so I can whip up chapter 3! XD**


	3. Protection

**Mania**

**A story by Songstone**

**Songstone: Hurray, chapter three! 8D And it's thanks to a good friend of mine, since she wrote me a story for no reason and it was so cute and awww. It inspired me to write for myself, and this chapter just HAPPENED. 8D So yes, I really, really, really hope you'll like this chapter. ****8D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

**Chapter 3: Protection**

Hidan shut the door to his bedroom twice before he released the doorknob and turned to make his way downstairs for breakfast.

His Obsessive Compulsive Disorder was rather subtle, and for the most part, easy to deal with. He had the strange fixation with the number two, so therefore, he did mostly everything in pairs. He shut doors twice, tapped his drink down twice, opened and closed the shower curtain twice...

It might have seemed odd to other people, but Hidan barely noticed it anymore. Neither did his roommates. They were good about not complaining about his Tourette's and tolerating his OCD.

As he headed for the stairs, Hidan was expecting Deidara and Itachi to already be awake and either getting ready for school or waiting on him so that they could leave. However, as he passed by Deidara's bedroom, he could clearly hear both voices of his roommates inside.

"Itachi, get out, un!" Deidara was hissing at the Uchiha.

"Relax, Dei...come on. Lie next to me." Itachi's voice, smooth like liquor.

"Out. I've got to get ready for school, un."

"We still have half an hour." There was some shifting around inside of the room, and then Deidara was saying things like 'let go' while Itachi merely chuckled.

"Hey! Get _off_, Itachi! Un." Blondie was sounding really pissed off by then, and Hidan shook his head. Itachi just didn't know when to take 'no' for an answer.

"Shh. Come on, Deidara. Just lie on the bed; I know for a fact that you'll enjoy yourself..." Itachi's voice was fading quickly as the white haired man turned on his heel and left the scene inside of the bedroom alone.

But when he left, it wasn't for long.

Hidan returned a few moments later with a cup full of ice in his hand. He all but stomped into the blond's room and found Deidara crumpled face down on his bed with Itachi gently caressing his back while he sat on his thighs.

"H-Hidan, un..." Deidara's muffled voice came as the youngest man lifted his head up from the pillow he was lying on.

Itachi also turned his head to see his roommate; he gave a faint smirk, then went back to slipping his hands up Deidara's shirt. "Did you want to join us, Hidan? Deidara might feel a little better if we make this a group th-_ing!_"

The raven haired man's voice rose to a pitch that he probably hadn't hit since puberty as Hidan stepped over to him and yanked on the front of his pants, pouring the cup of ice down the front.

"Shit! Holy _shit_!" Itachi was never one to swear, so hearing obscenities coming from the Uchiha showed just how much he disapproved of that move.

"That should cool you down, Uchiha." Hidan snorted in amusement as he watched Itachi shoot up from the bed and quickly race out of the room to get the ice out of his pants and change into something dry.

Glancing down to the blond on the bed, Hidan was relieved to see the younger man laughing. At least he wasn't too upset about being molested. Probably used to it by now. "You got him good, un." Deidara commented as he peered up to the white haired man. He brushed his hair down with his fingers, then smoothed out his shirt. "Thanks."

"Don't worry, blondie. It's what I'm here for." Hidan chuckled as he tapped the the empty cup on Deidara's dresser twice before setting it down. "Protecting the weak and molestable from sex-fiends." He laughed at that, then paused for a moment or two, another tic working around his mouth and eyes. He grunted, waited about five seconds, then smoothed his hair back when the moment passed.

"That's a good way to describe Itachi, un." Deidara chuckled, not minding Hidan's tics. He pushed himself up from bed and then took a look at himself in the mirror, fixing his hair more properly.

"You're not my favorite person right now, Hidan." Itachi's voice came from the doorway after a few moments, and both men inside of the room turned to look him over. He had changed his pants, but his face was heated in surprise and embarrassment. "Come on you two. We'll be late for class."

"I thought you said we had at least thirty minutes, un." Deidara snickered.

"Shut up." Was the response he got as the Uchiha turned and made his way downstairs to wait for his friends.

"We better go Hidan, un." Deidara said, grabbing up his bookbag and slinging it over his shoulder. "We can't keep His Highness waiting."

"Yeah, yeah." The older man muttered, waving a hand. He followed Deidara out of his room and shut the door for him, but only after tapping it against the frame twice.

"Hey, blondie." Hidan called as the three of them headed outside to file into the car. "Did you eat anything?" When Deidara answered with silence, Hidan groaned in frustration. "Dammit, if it's not one, it's the other...You're eating lunch today, even if I have to force feed you, got it?"

He got the usual sarcastic 'sure, un' from Deidara as Itachi pulled out of their driveway and began down the road that lead to their collage.

Ah, another typical morning for Hidan.

- - -

It was rare for Hidan to reach a point where he hated his Tourette's Syndrom with a passion; but when being lifted off of the ground and slammed full force into the nearest wall because of his tics, he found it hard to be able to tolerate it.

"Hey, hey, whoa! Whoa!" He coughed the words out while bringing his hands up to grasp at the arm that was holding him up. "I didn't mean it! Seriously!"

"Then what the hell did you just call me?"

The man whom Hidan had had the misfortune of bumping into was the same man that he had seen a few days ago at lunch. He was tall, dark-skinned, with brown hair and green eyes. He had tattoos starting on the sides of his lips, giving the appearance of a wide grin as they reached his ears.

Though, at the moment, he was doing far from smiling.

"Well, technically, I called you a...a bastard. B-b-but! But, y'see, it wasn't directed at you. I didn't mean it!" The white haired man wiggled his legs a bit, trying to touch his feet to the ground. "See, I've got this disorder and I don't know if you've heard of it; Tourette's Syndrom? See, I have these...these tics, and I sometimes blurt out words without meaning it, so--"

"Oh...oh yeah, I think I heard of someone here having Tourette's...Is it really you, or are you just lying to weasel out of a beating?" The man asked, quirking a brow behind his low hanging bangs.

When Hidan started to tic as he answered, however, the other didn't need to ask again. Slowly, the brunette lowered the younger man back on his feet and took a step back.

"Okay, I'll give you that one..." He said, letting go of Hidan's jacket and patting his shoulder once, roughly. He turned on his heel to go back to walking to whatever class he had been on his way to.

Hidan was about to breathe a sigh of relief and then hurry off to his own class, but paused when the older man called over his shoulder; "Later, Twitchy."

The white haired man just stood there, frozen in shock and embarrassment as some of the other people around him chuckled.

"Twitchy...?" He asked, pink eyes wide as he watched the man leave. "_Twitchy_?" He growled, clenching his fists and setting his jaw. "You've got to be kidding me..." He had never been more insulted, more humiliated, in his life.

He needed a name. He wanted to know that tattooed freak's name and he wanted to be able to get back at him somehow for that one...

Hidan had to hand it to himself; he had made it a full two weeks into his first year of collage _before _he made his first enemy.

**Songstone: This chapter was rather Hidan-heavy, but I thought that it was necessary so that I can get a good feel of writing for him. Plus, you all get some insight on what it's like for him. 8D Next chapter will probably deal with Itachi and Kisame as well as Deidara and Sasori, though. So yes, I hope everyone is enjoying the story so far! Please lemme know what you think. 8D**


	4. Small talk over a plastic leg

**Mania**

**A story by Songstone**

**Songstone: OMIGAWD! 8D I am SO fucking happy that I finished this. XD I've been working on it for a long time, on and off. D: So lately, I had a burst of inspiration and, low and behold, I found the will to finish this chapter! Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

**Chapter 4:**** Small talk over a plastic leg**

"Uhg...guh...gackt!" The noises all left Deidara's lips in a series of dry-heaves and gags as the blond held his head over the toilet bowl, gasping for air.

His stomach heaved, he choked and sputtered and even broke out into a cold sweat, but nothing came out. After a few more moments of only spittle falling from between his lips, Deidara spat into the toilet and took a break.

Bringing up a shaky hand, Deidara pushed some stray strands of blond hair back towards his ponytail, trying to keep as clean as possible. He didn't have time to take another shower if he got his hair dirtied.

A few moments passed in silence, the only sound being the steady heartbeat in Deidara's ears as his pulse settled back to normal. He waited the dizzying moment out peacefully, then decided he better not linger too long. Didn't want to be late for school, after all.

Sucking in a deep breath, the blond inched closer to the utility, clutching at the sides until his knuckles turned white. He pulled his hand up again after fumbling for his toothbrush, finding it where he had left it; discarded on the bathroom floor just besides his knee.

He stared at the object for a moment, contemplative. Then, with another shaky inhale, he stuck the bristled end of the brush into his mouth, pushing it steadily back until it hit against his tonsils.

That move acted like a trigger, causing Deidara to swiftly withdraw his hand and the brush before he coughed and hacked into the ceramic bowl of the toilet once more.

The noises that left him were more than a bit unappealing, and his whole body was curling forward as he finally vomited; it was a huge wave of relief to have finally produced something after all of the previous effort.

Deidara stayed that way for a while, retching and spitting into the bowl of the toilet. The smell of his regurgitated breakfast hit him hard, and he gagged again just from the stench alone.

"Uhhn..." The blond released a small groan after he was sure that he had finished and was able to close the lid to the toilet. He reached up, yanking on the lever on the back of the toilet until the utility flushed, and then he just knelt slumped against the top of the bowl, eyes shut.

That never got easier to do.

But now that he had actually completed the act, he felt a sense of relief wash over him. It was like a weight being lifted from his shoulders. Deidara supposed that this is what could be called his stress reliever.

"Hey, blondie, you done in there?" Hidan's voice sounded on the other side of the door, and a second later his fist made contact with the wood, rapping on it four times. "You okay?"

"M'fine." The blond spoke up after having taken a deep breath. He pushed himself up from the floor, dusting off his pants a bit from the knees. "I just have to brush my teeth and I'll be right out, yeah." He assured, quickly stuffing his used toothbrush into his schoolbag and grabbing up the clean one from the counter.

"Hn. Fine, I'll be waiting downstairs." Hidan's footsteps echoed and faded down the hall, and once Deidara couldn't hear him anymore, he turned towards the sink and took a look at himself in the mirror.

"Yuck." Was all he had to say when he caught sight of his reflection. He sighed, the sound turning into a groan as he ran a hand through the fringe on the left side of his face. He never liked how he looked, even if Hidan and Itachi said they thought he was quite attractive.

Deidara figured that Hidan only said that to boost his self-confidence, and Itachi said it to try and flatter him so that he'd be more willing to fool around in bed.

Whatever their reasons, they were nice for trying, but Deidara wasn't going to fall for their sweet lies so easily.

- - -

"Tap again."

"…Excuse me?"

"Tap again, Uchiha. You tapped the lip of the pitcher against my glass once. Now tap it again to make it even."

"Ugh. Hidan, _you_ do it."

"I can't. You did it, so you've got to do it again. Don't fucking set the pitcher down, or you'll have to tap it four times!"

"Uhm…what are you guys talking about, yeah?" Deidara asked as he slowly poked his head into the kitchen, finding Hidan and Itachi both seated at the table, glaring at one another while the Uchiha held a pitcher of orange juice over the other's cup.

When he'd lifted his head to look in the direction Deidara's voice had come from, Itachi smirked and made a low humming sound from the back of his throat. "Now _there's_ something I wouldn't mind tapping…" His tongue flicked out against his lips to assert that statement.

"Shut up and tap the glass, Uchiha." Hidan sighed while Deidara flushed.

Itachi sighed, but did as Hidan wished and tapped the pitcher against the lid of Hidan's glass one more time before he set the pitcher down.

"He's in one of his moods today." Itachi tossed that information Deidara's way as he stood up from the table and walked towards the fridge in order to put the orange juice away.

"Shut the fuck up, Uchiha." Hidan muttered under his breath. He took a long drink from his glass and then tapped it down twice against the top of the table before he crossed his arms over his chest in an annoyed motion.

Itachi merely smirked over his shoulder at the white haired man; as he side-stepped Deidara around the table, he gave the blond a firm whack on the ass with an open palm.

Deidara jerked forward from that sudden attack and he whirled to glare at Itachi while both of his hands went behind his back to cover up his rear end. "Tch. Seems like you're in one of _your_ moods too, yeah..." He grumbled. He heard Hidan snicker as he sat at the table, and he turned an annoyed stare towards the white haired man as well.

"I'm always in a mood." Itachi said casually. He shut the fridge door with his foot and then walked back over to Deidara, putting both of his arms around the blond's thin waist and pulling him against his own chest. His hands brushed Deidara's out of the way and then Itachi was grabbing quite roughly at the blond's ass with both hands. He smirked down to the shorter male. "_The_ mood." He clarified.

The suggestive wiggle of the eyebrows he gave only agitated Deidara even more and the two of them left for school bickering like a married couple while Hidan tagged along lazily.

- - -

Throughout that same day, Deidara wasn't feeling all too good. He was dizzy, weak in the knees and had the shakes. He didn't see _why_ he should be feeling that way. He had eaten lunch when Hidan had nagged him into submission, and he hadn't bothered with purging his meal this time. It was awkward to try to do that sort of thing in school anyway.

So as his last class for the day ended, Deidara got to his feet unsteadily and gathered up his books, stuffing them back down into his shoulder bag so that he could make an easy exit and go find his two friends. He wanted nothing more than to go home and sleep a little. He wasn't expecting the shove he received when he stepped out of his class room.

"Ouch! Hey, watch what you're doing, yeah?" He demanded as his shoulder hit the wall behind himself harshly. As soon as the words had broken past his lips, however, he was pushed back into the wall fully, his back flat against it and his head snapping back to whack against it unpleasantly. He didn't complain about it however, since he was more curious as to why there was a man pressed up against him so close.

"Aah--! H-hey, what the hell's your--" And then all Deidara could see was red.

Red hair, then brown eyes. The chocolate coloured orbs met the blond's blue ones for a moment, and it was that split second that allowed Deidara to recall who this was. Yeah, it was that same guy who had called off his scary friend with the tattoos nearly two weeks before. Deidara had seen this guy around a bit after that, of course. Just...not this close up.

"W-what are you--" Deidara didn't even have the time to blush.

"Sorry; sorry, sorry." The redhead mumbled it quickly, and then he put a hand on the side of Deidara's head, as if he were making sure that he was all right. Just as quickly however, he pushed himself away from the wall and whirled on his heel, stomping two steps forward and glaring _straight up_ at another man.

Deidara took the time as he watched incredulously from his position against the wall to notice that the man whom the redhead was glaring at was the same man that Itachi had pointed out to him before. The one he--_ugh_--wanted.

"The fuck's your problem? Huh? Don't shove me around like that, stupid, I crashed into someone! Back off!" The redhead sent a hard shove into the blue skinned male's chest, pushing him back a few steps. Deidara was amazed that the redhead dared to do that at all given his size compared to the other.

"_My_ problem? This is all you, you little shit, you brought this on yourself!" Baring the sharpest teeth that Deidara had ever seen as he snarled, the taller man charged at the redhead full force.

The first punch that the blue skinned man threw hit the air over the shorter male's head as he ducked. The next blow made contact with the door that the redhead had been standing in front of just seconds before, rattling it on its frame.

Wisely, Deidara stepped back, away from the range of the fight. He and a handful of people stood at a safe distance, watching the two men exchange punches and curse words as they dodged one another efficiently. From somewhere behind him, Deidara heard someone say they were going to get security to come and break up this scene.

At last, the battle tipped in the taller man's favour; he caught a punch that was thrown at his stomach and pulled the redhead closer. Once he had him in reach, he grabbed the shorter man up by the collar of his shirt and shook him roughly. The shorter male's head swung back and forth on his shoulders.

"You think you can tell me that shit and get away with it? Huh? I'll kill you, I swear I will, Sasori!"

The redhead, Sasori by name, grabbed at both of the blue skinned male's arms, attempting to pull away from the grip he was caught in. "Ugh...let me _go_, Kisame!"

"Hey! You two! Break it up!" At first, Deidara thought that the booming voice and heavy footsteps belonged to the security guard that patrolled the campus grounds. Someone must have finally gone off to find him. But when the blond looked over his shoulder, he was surprised to see not the security guard, but that tall brunette with the tattoo's.

The tattooed man didn't look amused over this at all; his jaw was set tightly and his fists were clenched at his sides as he stormed straight through the small crowd gathered and up to the two of his friends.

"Stay out of this; you're always defending this sick little fuck from getting what's coming to him. This time you aren't going to interfere, Kakuzu." Kisame snarled in the brunette's direction, but didn't stop glaring down at Sasori as he held him a few inches off of the ground.

"Oh, shove it up your ass, Shamoo. Set him down. Now." Kakuzu spat coldly at the blue skinned male.

Deidara was feeling quite bad for the struggling redhead by then; the man couldn't do much else other than kick and try to pry Kisame's fingers from his shirt. Neither tactic was working, and he seemed to be attempting to glare his opponent into submission now

"Why in the _hell_ do you bother with him?" Kisame demanded. He shook Sasori one more time before he finally looked to the side at Kakuzu. "He's just a good-for-nothing and a bum and I'm sick and tired of his bullshit!"

"I said _now_." Kakuzu replied. He grabbed Kisame's wrist and squeezed; the blue haired male grunted.

"Nggh...can fight my own battle..." It was hard to hear from his standing point, but Deidara made the words out and he blinked at the redhead in surprise. If he didn't want help even if he was clearly going to lose in a fight with Kisame now, he held a lot of pride.

"Shut up, Sasori." The brunette sighed. His green eyes were boring holes into Kisame's skull. "Set him down."

A long moment of silence settled in the hallway. Some of the other people whom had been watching the action backed off a bit more or left completely now that a peacemaker had come to ruin all the fun. Deidara was the only one who stood rooted to the same spot, his attention focused completely on the men in front of him.

Kisame was glaring right back at Kakuzu with piercing yellow eyes, but after a moment more, he snarled something and lowered the redhead back to the ground.

Sasori straightened out his shirt as he glared up at the blue haired man as soon as his feet touched the ground; Kakuzu relaxed his grip on Kisame's arm.

"Thank--" The brunette was cut off as the blue skinned man suddenly lurched forward and sent a punch visciously into the redhead's stomach.

Deidara could hear the most sickening gag come from Sasori as the man went back a good four feet, fell to the ground--where something made a horrible snapping sound as it collided with the linoleum--rolled, and then crumpled to the floor, wheezing and holding his gut with both hands.

Instantly, another rumble erupted in the hall; Kakuzu had Kisame pinned to the ground beneath himself in mere seconds and was relentlessly screaming down to the man and punching at his face. Deidara had to close his eyes to prevent seeing all the blood pooling from the corner of Kisame's mouth.

"Okay--_hnngh!_--okay!" Kisame's voice at last sounded again as he shielded his face with both hands from Kakuzu's attack.

The punches ceased for a moment, and the brunette panted heavily as he glared down at the other man. Kisame began to mutter how he was sorry--so sorry--and that he would try to stay calm next time; Deidara payed their conversation little attention. He was focused on the redhead a few feet away. He hadn't gotten back to his feet yet.

Slowly, with all the cautiousness of a tight-rope walker, Deidara managed to get around the two men who had been grappling just moments before. He kept his back pressed against the wall firmly until he was a good distance away again, on their opposite side, and then he turned to look down at the redhead.

He heard Sasori wheezing painfully as he lay on his side, and the blond carefully knelt besides his crumpled form.

"H-hey...are you all right, yeah?" He asked softly. He lay a hand on the redhead's shoulder gently to call his attention further.

"Nngh...does it look like I'm ah-all right?" The redhead panted. He groaned, then shifted his weight a bit before he pushed himself up onto his elbows. Bright flames of red hair fell out of the way of his eyes, and the two brown orbs shifted lazily in Deidara's direction. "Ah...I know you..." The man said distractedly.

The blond had to smirk at that and he nodded his head once. "Yeah. We met once." He clarified. He placed another cautious hand on Sasori's chest and gently ran his fingers over his skin through his shirt. "Do you think you need a doctor? Do you suppose something is broken?"

Sasori hissed lightly as Deidara ran over the area where a bruise would most likely be forming, but he shook his head and lightly pushed the Deidara's hands away. "Nah...I'll be fine." He assured. He sent a small smirk up at the blond. "Appreciate it, though." Having said that, Sasori promptly went about pushing himself the rest of the way to his feet. He had gotten onto one knee only when he suddenly lurched forward and barely saved himself from a face-plant by catching himself with both hands on the ground. "Dammit all..." He swore.

"What's the matter, yeah?" Deidara asked quickly. But it only took him three seconds to notice that Sasori was suddenly lacking a part of his anatomy, and he couldn't help but to stare.

"Hey, kid, you mind?" Sasori asked up to Deidara. He nodded over to where a prosthetic leg lay lifelessly on the floor, a couple of more feet away.

"N-no." Deidara reached over and grabbed the limb as Sasori seated himself more comfortably against the nearest wall. As the blond returned to his side and handed him his artificial leg, Kakuzu had stepped over to the both of them and was wiping his hands on his pants.

"Kisame's gonna go cool off. He's walkin' home. I'll drive you back to your place." The brunette informed the shorter male; Sasori nodded in response.

"Thanks. I'll be to the car in a minute." The redhead muttered.

Kakuzu nodded to that, his eyes flicking down to Deidara for the briefest of moments. He gave a tilt of the head in acknowledgement towards the blond, then turned around towards the exit of the building. Deidara meekly watched him go, still finding himself quite intimidated by the man; after he'd just seen him fight, he felt that he had every right to be.

Sasori rolled up one pant leg and Deidara couldn't help himself but to watch curiously. He saw the harness that kept the prosthetic in place; the man's left leg only went up to mid-thigh, and the rest was all artificial. The blond watched with mild fascination as the redhead snapped the false limb back into place and stretched his leg out a bit.

"Thanks." Deidara blinked and looked up as Sasori muttered that; the redhead rolled his pants back down and pushed himself to his feet, experimentally putting weight on his left side for a moment to be sure he wouldn't collapse.

"Do you need help to your car, yeah?" Deidara asked in a concerned tone. He rose up from the ground, maybe a bit faster than he should have; the dizzy spell that attacked him was less than pleasant, and he swayed a bit on his feet.

"...Maybe I should ask you the same?" Sasori retorted as he noticed the blond's behaviour. He steadied Deidara with one hand on the blond's shoulder and then tilted his head at the slightly taller male in a quizzical manner.

"Ah...just not feeling so great today, yeah." Deidara gave a light chuckle.

"Hn." Sasori nodded, releasing the blond after a moment. He turned around, grabbed up his scattered books from the floor, and began making his way to the exit of the building.

Deidara found himself following after him. Not because he was curious about the guy; no, of course not! They just happened to be going in the same direction. "Are you sure you'll be all right? You took a hard hit, yeah."

The redhead glanced back over his shoulder at hearing Deidara following him, and he rose an eyebrow. He scoffed lightly, then shrugged carelessly. "No, I'll be all right. Kisame was holding back that time."

Deidara blinked in astonishment. If _that_ was the blue skinned man's restraint, he didn't want to witness him in an all-out fight. "If you're sure..."

"What's your name, kid?"

"Huh?" The blond tited his head, then quickly answered when Sasori gave him another odd look. "Oh! Deidara, yeah."

"Deidara? Hm." Sasori nodded. "I'll have to remember that. I'm Sasori, by the way."

"I know...well, I mean, I heard both of the other guys say your name, yeah..." Deidara shifted his book bag over his shoulder, then pushed open the doors to the exit, leaning against it a second longer until Sasori was outside as well. That polite notion seemed to derive from no where, and the blond took a moment to question himself as to why he did it in the first place.

"Ah. I suppose that's true." Brown orbs scanned the parking lot, and then they focused on a certain vehicle; it was an old looking pick-up truck, rust red in colour. Deidara could make out the shape of Kakuzu's hulking form behind the wheel.

Sasori began descending the stairs two at a time. "I suppose I'll see you around, Deidara?" He asked, glancing back over his shoulder at the blond briefly.

"Hm? Oh...yeah, I guess so." Deidara smiled and waved Sasori off as he headed towards where he had spotted Itachi and Hidan waiting besides his small, yellow car. "Take care, yeah." And then they were both out of each other's hearing range.

Deidara hoped that the redhead would be all right after that fight in the hall. He seemed to be fine, though, so that was probably good... For having a prosthetic leg, Sasori was quite admirable for standing up for himself in a fight; Deidara hadn't been able to tell that his leg was fake at all before today. He was very nimble and quick on his feet, so it wasn't like it was obvious... And then the question as to why he should bother so much over someone whom he hadn't talked to for more than five minutes came up and Deidara shrugged the whole thing off.

"The fuck took you so long, blondie?" Hidan greeted Deidara when the blond raced up to the car and handed over his keys to Itachi; their designated driver.

"I...got held up." Deidara shrugged, then sighed as he hopped into the backseat. "It's nothing, yeah. Can we just go home? I'm kind of tired; I have a really bad headache too..." He listed his symptoms as he rubbed at his temples with two fingers.

"Hmph. Pity. Does this mean you're not in the mood to scew?" Itachi asked as he started the engine and backed out of their parking space.

"Don't start." Deidara warned tiredly. Hidan spat out a few words from the front seat and shook his head slightly from side to side as a tic occupied him for a few moments.

Silence for about ten seconds.

"A blowjob, then?" Red eyes flashed, slightly hopeful, as Itachi looked at Deidara through the rear view mirror.

Deidara kicked the back of Itachi's seat with both feet and then stuck his head outside of the open window in the backseat so that the breeze would cool off his burning cheeks.

**Songstone: -****loves all over Sasori- Oh, how I abuse you so. xD;; So anyway, I'll say what I always say whenever I upload something; comments are loved forever and ever and I'd love to hear your thoughts! 8D**

P.S: I might have to up the rating for the next chapter! 8D 


	5. Fantasia

**Mania**

**A story by Songstone**

**Songstone: WHAT. ANOTHER CHAPTER. SO SOON? -dies- I've been working on this ever since I posted the last chapter. xD; I have to say, I'm so proud of myself. D8 Maybe it's a little cheesy here and there, but...I'M PROUD, DAMMIT. XD;**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

**Chapter 5: ****Fantasia**

"Ngghh...! D-deeper!"

"Aah...fuck...quit moving around so much!"

"Oooohh...b-but you're m-miss-_aahh_!"

"Heh...you were saying, Uchiha?"

"Mmnn...shut up, Hidan, and fuck me..."

Itachi Uchiha was on his knees, bent over forcefully as Hidan all but tore into him with brutal, blinding force from behind. His hands fisted into the sheets and he had the right half of his face pressed firmly into the mattress, but if being completely honest, Itachi had never been happier.

He hadn't even had to do much convincing with Hidan, this time. It was just one of those times when Itachi lucked out and one of his friends was as horny as he was and wanted a quick screw.

Hidan was a rough lover, but Itachi didn't mind; he liked it rough. He liked it gentle, too. Really, Itachi was satisfied with any kind of sex at all. He wasn't a picky person. The only thing that he _had_ to have, was a male partner. He had discovered and accepted that long ago, when he found that his eyes were drawn only towards the boys.

Hidan was, by far, one of the best that Itachi had had. He kept the Uchiha down on his knees, most of the time forcing Itachi to beg him to go harder or faster; Itachi loved it.

It was drastically different from how it was with Deidara. Deidara always bent over to him so easily, so Itachi was always the dominant one between the two of them. Not that he minded; he liked having Deidara beneath him, squirming and moaning...clawing at his back... And oh, that mouth of his...the blond could work wonders with that tongue!

Just the thought of a hot, wet mouth around him (sucking and licking at every area of flesh) sent shivers up and down Itachi's spine. He moaned into the mattress.

"You need to work on your stamina if you're gonna finish so quickly..." Hidan commented. He grunted and his thrusts became a bit more erratic; jerky.

"Aahhnn...y-you've been depriving me f-for nearly a month...what do you expect?" Itachi panted in return, arching his back a bit to try and force Hidan to hit that one spot again...he was so close...

"Don't...nngh...lie, Uchiha...it hasn't been that long..."

"It feels like it ha-_has_!" The raven haired man felt himself tighten around Hidan's length and he pushed back against the white haired man's wild thrusts. A low grumble sounded behind him, so he knew that he wasn't alone in feeling the pleasure. "You know how much I love this..." He all but purred next, his fingers flexing in the sheets a few more times.

Behind him, Hidan snickered under his breath. "You're such a whore." He muttered.

Itachi had to grin at that. He had stopped denying this fact of life long ago, and now he pretty much accepted the title without problem. He hummed from the back of his throat, moving his head back a bit and allowing locks of silky black hair fall over his shoulders. "Mmm...yeah, call me that again. But pull my hair this time."

Itachi gave a yelp of surprise when Hidan grabbed a thick handful of his hair and yanked back quite roughly just a fraction of a second later; he hadn't expected his friend to actually listen to his request. He whined slightly, then groaned, his pain only adding to the building pleasure coursing throughout his entire body.

As said, Itachi liked it rough.

"Fucking bitch." Hidan ground out from behind him. His fingers twisted into the dark locks as he pulled back a bit more. Itachi yelped, and Hidan chuckled darkly. He knew how Itachi liked it, and he had no problem with getting into character. "You like that, you little slut?"

"Aah...!" Itachi felt his eyes stinging as they watered from the pain of having his hair pulled. But despite that, his whole body was shivering in ecstasy. "Love it!" He panted out, clawing at the sheets helplessly.

It was quite a shame that Deidara had refused to join them this time, Itachi found himself thinking as he began to stroke himself in time with Hidan's thrusts. He would have loved for Deidara to be sucking him off right about now; or maybe riding him while Itachi sucked _Hidan_ off. The possibilities were swirling in the Uchiha's mind, and he gave a heavy shudder before he let out a deep, drawn out moan of pleasure as he came hard in his hand.

As Itachi rode out his orgasm, Hidan continued to have his way with him, grumbling the occasional curse. The raven haired man's body was being jerked about carelessly as Itachi remained limp against the cool sheets and Hidan rammed into him in what was typical reckless fashion for the white haired man.

All too suddenly, Itachi was jolted from his hazy, day dreaming sort of state and he gasped as he felt nails sinking into the flesh on his hip. His hair was pulled at even harder, too, and he hissed in pain, eyes wrenching shut.

Finally though, he heard Hidan muffle a curse and then the movements of his hips stopped completely as he reached his own climax.

"Fuck...yeah..." Hidan panted. He held perfectly still for a moment or two, then eased back, out of Itachi's hot, trembling body. He took a few more seconds to just lean against the Uchiha's back and catch his breath, and then he pushed himself to the edge of the bed to dispose of the condom he wore.

After he was released completely, Itachi took the opportunity to slump down onto the bed fully, his breathing still quite erratic and heavy. His red eyes slid shut, and he hummed in contentment. "Wonderful..." He breathed blissfully.

Hidan snorted. Itachi heard the sound of something hitting the bottom of the tin trash can that he kept besides his desk and didn't have to look back at Hidan to know that it was the soiled condom. He frowned slightly; how many times had to told the man not to throw the condoms away in here?

"Does this mean you're going to stop bugging me twenty-four-fucking-seven about blowjobs and all that shit?" The white haired man asked as he cleaned himself off with a dirty shirt from the laundry bin. He grabbed his previously discarded underwear and pants and began to pull them on.

"Mm. Temporarily." Itachi rolled over onto his side and leaned against his elbow as he propped himself up. The back of his skull was throbbing from where Hidan had pulled at his hair, but he paid the stinging sensation no mind. "Where are you going? Don't you want to cuddle?" He asked coyly and batted his eyes up at Hidan.

"I've got to pick Deidara up from work; duh." The white haired man clasped his belt shut and as he was buttoning his shirt, he began a series of smaller tics; they mostly affected his facial expressions and he was spitting out an occasional swear word. Itachi wondered how long it would be until the swear words were exchanged for something else. He didn't mind so much when Hidan shouted 'thermometer' out of the blue, but when he started to blurt out the word 'bastard'...

"Ah, right." Itachi sighed and pushed himself up into a sitting position, wincing slightly as a dull pain in his ass made itself present. "Mmph...I'll be feeling you for quite a few days..." He commented blandly.

"You're welcome." Hidan pat Itachi's head lightly and smirked down at the Uchiha as he ruffled his hair. He pulled Deidara's car keys out of his pocket and then headed for the door. "What are friends for?" He asked, before he left completely.

- - -

"And that latte...can you make sure it has a lot of white, creamy...soft...foam." Itachi licked his lips and then tapped his chin. "And you know what? I'd like one of these lollipops here too; I'd like something sweet and tasty to suck on while I wait for my coffee." He smirked faintly as he set his money on the counter to pay for his beverage and treat.

What luck!

When Deidara had told Itachi that he had gotten a new co-worker at the coffee shop that he worked at and had explained who it was, Itachi could have kissed him. Actually, Itachi _had_ kissed him, and Deidara had screamed 'rape' again.

So that was why today, the day after hearing that peice of information, Itachi had stopped by the little cafe after school. Deidara had work that day, and the brunette saw a head of blond hair moving around from table to table, though his eyes were focused completely on the new employee that was at the register in front of him.

His name tag read _Kisame_, just like Deidara had told him.

_God...I don't know why Deidara is so scared of him; he's gorgeous. I mean...just look at those biceps!_ Itachi sighed to himself and plucked up a lollipop at random from the basket on the counter. He unwrapped it and stuck it into his mouth, letting it slide up his tongue before his lips closed around it completely.

"Er...here's your change." Kisame's eyes were focused on Itachi's mouth; just the way Itachi wanted it.

Itachi held out his hand and took the pocket change from the blue skinned man. He smacked his lips as he pulled the treat out of his mouth and then looked up from beneath his lashes as he hummed a little "Thanks" up at the older man. With that done, the Uchiha turned to go and find a table where he could wait while his drink was prepared.

He gave his hips a few extra shakes, just to be sure Kisame's eyes stayed on him until he was seated comfortably at a booth.

If he played his cards just right, then he had no doubt that this guy would go for him. And even if he wasn't gay--like Hidan had suggested he might be--then Itachi would convert him. It was all so simple in Itachi's mind, and he held full confidence in himself that he could accomplish this feat.

"Uhm, Deidara? I'm going to take my break now, all right?" Red eyes shifted over to where Kisame was removing the apron that he was made to wear while on the clock.

"Hmm?" Itachi glanced to Deidara, who seemed to get a bit timid when Kisame spoke to him. "Oh. Sure, whatever, yeah." He agreed with a nod. He narrowly avoided tripping over the leg of a chair as he said it. He spotted Itachi as he righted himself, and he quickly glanced between the Uchiha and Kisame as the blue skinned man made his way over to his table to deliver his drink personally.

Itachi made out the mouthed words "You skank" that Deidara made and snorted lightly under his breath.

"Uhm, here's your order." Kisame said as he stood in front of Itachi's table. He placed down the hot cup of coffee in front of the raven haired man.

"Mm..." Itachi hummed as he swirled the lollipop on his tongue a bit, then pulled it out of his mouth and wrapped what was left of it in a napkin. "Thanks." He nodded up to Kisame. He wasted no time in sticking one finger into the foam at the top of the beverage and swirling it around; as he lifted it to his lips and licked the foam off, ever-so-innocently, he glanced up to Kisame again. "I know you from school, don't I?" He asked, playing clueless.

Kisame's face turned the silliest shade of purple around his nose, and Itachi guessed that he must have been blushing. The man cleared his throat, shifting from foot to foot slowly. "M-maybe. I think I might have seen you around in the halls once or twice..." He muttered, scratching the back of his head.

"Yeah, that must be it." Itachi agreed. He went back to swirling the foam around with one finger. "So," He pretended to look at the man's name tag for the first time. "Kisame. What is it like working with Deidara?"

"Ah. You know Deidara, then." Kisame commented. He shifted his body a bit more, to where he was leaning towards the empty seat opposite Itachi. This made the Uchiha smirk, just slightly. It was all working out so perfectly. He motioned for Kisame to sit.

"Of course. He's one of my best friend's. My roommate, too." His eyes glinted as Kisame took up his offer and sat down across from him.

"Ah, well, he's a good guy." The way he said it--kind of slowly--made Itachi wonder if Kisame was one of the many who had assumed Deidara to be a woman when they first met. "Maybe a little bit on the clumsy side..." Kisame chuckled. "He's pretty friendly, though." Well, he obviously didn't sense the fear radiating off of Deidara whenever he had to be around Kisame for too long.

_Tall, hot, and clueless_. Itachi squirmed in his seat.

"Oh yes, he's really friendly." Itachi licked his finger again, then lifted his cup to take his first small sip of the steaming coffee. "Mmn. This is good. I should have started coming here sooner." He locked eyes with Kisame as he said that, then lowered his cup innocently back to the table.

"Ahaha...it's really nice here, huh? And it's fun to work here. Plus, I get free coffee during my breaks." He smiled, showing off rows of sharp, deadly looking teeth.

Hm. Maybe there _was_ a legitimate reason that Deidara was petrified of this guy...

"Ah. You're lucky." Itachi made an effort to smile and reached up, tossing some stray hair over his shoulder. "I work over at the bookstore; so the only plus-side to that is that I get books twenty-five percent off." Itachi's eyelids fluttered a bit as he blinked; yes, this seemed to be going great!

"I'm not much of a reader, actually." Kisame said, rubbing the back of his head.

"Oh?" Itachi perked up a bit more as he spotted the perfect place to strike. "That's a shame...But then again, you look like the type who's interested in more...physical activities rather than boring old books." He took a longer drink from his coffee, leaving the cup a little more than half full.

"Ah...ah, yeah..." Kisame said, that purplish colour returning to his cheeks. He seemed like he had no idea what to say next, so Itachi spoke again.

"Reading is nice...but it's true that one has more fun when doing something a bit more physical." Red eyes locked with yellow ones again, and that was it. Itachi placed his cup down on the table, then pushed himself up from his seat. "I'll have to be going now." He said briskly. "Time to get to those books."

Kisame blinked up at him for a moment, then nodded swiftly and stood up as well, gathering up the cup and trash left on the table. "Sure. Uhm...see you around." He said to Itachi's back as the Uchiha headed for the door.

Itachi didn't look over his shoulder as he replied; "You can count on it."

There. The bait was set; now all he had to do was wait.

- - -

"You're such a slut." Deidara sighed as he lay down on Itachi's bed later that same day, stretching out a bit. He had just gotten out of work; Hidan had picked him up and dropped him off at their home before he left to buy a few groceries from the store since Deidara had whined to him about how he was running low on soy milk.

"Why, whatever brought _that_ on?" Itachi feigned innocence as he looked at Deidara from his dresser mirror while he brushed his hair to smooth it down after he had taken his ponytail out.

"Are you still serious about wanting Kisame, yeah? I mean...I told you about how he acted at school and all about that fight..." The blond pushed himself up and now sat on the edge of the Uchiha's bed.

"Mm. You did. But it'll just be one quick screw between him and I; I doubt his temper will flare during such a brief time." The Uchiha shrugged carelessly.

"Hn. Whatever..." Deidara sighed and toyed with his long fringe absently as he stared down at his feet, swinging them against the bed slowly.

"Hm...if I didn't know any better, I'd say my lovely little Dei here is jealous." Itachi hummed teasingly, tapping his chin lightly with one finger. "Oh, you know you're the only one for me, darling."

"Tch. In your dreams, yeah..." Deidara scoffed. Itachi saw him roll his eyes as he watched the blond in the mirror.

"...What's the matter?" It was rare for Itachi's voice to hold a tone other than flirtatious, or for him to speak something besides innuendo; but he seemed to be curious about Deidara's behaviour now, and he put his brush down. He turned towards his friend and walked over to his bed, seating himself besides the blond.

"Oh, nothing." Deidara shrugged his shoulders.

"From you, 'oh nothing' usually means something." Itachi reminded as he cocked an eyebrow. "Did you get in trouble at school, or work, or something?"

Deidara snorted lightly and tossed his hair over his shoulder. "No. I'm just...not really feeling well, yeah." He said. He held up a finger just as Itachi opened his mouth. "And it's not because I'm not eating. Hidan already gave me that speech, so spare me, please."

Itachi snapped his jaw shut and sighed, crossing his arms. "Well, then, the only other suggestion I can give you would be to go lie down and sleep for a long, long time. Maybe you'll feel better after you rest."

Deidara mumbled lightly and nodded, but didn't seem to take the advice to heart. Itachi was about to get up and go take a shower like he had planned to do before, but stopped before he got up from the bed when Deidara's hand was suddenly resting on his knee.

Red eyes flickered down to the point of contact briefly, and then Itachi was staring at Deidara with a confused (yet mildly interested) look.

"So..." The blond began slowly. His cheeks darkened to a deep red colour and his eyes slid off to the side awkwardly. "Are you...still in the mood for that blowjob, yeah?"

While inwardly, Itachi was absolutely _giddy_ over hearing this, he kept up a cool front; he smirked down to Deidara and leaned in towards the blond slowly. Their noses brushed and Itachi's lips touched against the blond's softly when he spoke. "Always in the mood for you."

What a week; first Hidan, and now Deidara too! Plus, he'd gotten to set up his trap on that Kisame guy. Itachi, as anyone could guess, was quite content with himself just then.

Deidara smiled faintly, then slipped down onto his knees in front of the raven haired man.

Itachi Uchiha nearly cried out of joy.

**Songstone: ****I love writing for Slut!Itachi. 8D He's so fun. XD So, please let me know what you thought! I put a lot of work into this, after all! 8'D**


	6. Hook, line and sinker

**Mania**

**A story by Songstone**

**Songstone: Oh My God. I'm not kidding; this one gave me HELL. D: Oh jeez, it's long. And it had a grappling scene. D: I hope I got it just right. xD; But right now I'm too tired to do much proof reading.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

**Chapter 6: Hook, line and sinker  
**

"Hey. Stupid bitch; you awake?" Hidan continued to pester Deidara's unmoving body as he cradled the blond's head in his lap. He remained seated in the middle of the school hallway, not daring to jostle his friend's limp form.

Deidara should consider himself lucky that he hadn't broken his neck when he'd fallen down the stairs; Hidan was grateful for that too, actually.

It was a good thing that that big guy had been walking in front of Deidara when the blond had fainted. Otherwise, his fall might not have been broken so neatly.

But Kakuzu (as Hidan had learned his name was) didn't see it that way.

He wasn't pleased with having been 'barreled into' and knocked face-first down a flight of stairs. But he was perfectly fine, so at least he'd stopped his bitching at Hidan after a few minutes. Now he was just a looming figure in the background, watching Deidara over the white haired man's shoulder.

"Hey. Twitchy. Does this happen to him often?"

Hidan blinked in surprise at hearing that humiliating title again, and he would have whirled around and stood up to scold the older man for calling him that if it hadn't been for Deidara's head resting on his thigh. He settled with glaring up at the tattooed man from over his shoulder instead.

"Look, prick, my name is_ Hidan_." He said, sounding out the two syllables slowly. "And it's none of your business." He turned his attention back down to Deidara. He tapped the side of the blond's face, worried now that he hadn't woken up or moved at all yet in the few minutes they had been here in the hall. "Deidara, get the fuck up."

Hidan's frown deepened and he tried to think of where his phone was. His pocket? Backpack? He ought to get Itachi over here; right now. Together they would get Deidara safely to his car and drive him home... No, the doctor's would be a better place to take him; but the blond always threw a tantrum when faced with the idea of going to such a place. Not like Hidan cared anymore. Deidara needed to get examined.

Behind him, Kakuzu scoffed and then his footsteps could be heard as he moved away from Hidan.

Hidan had no problem with that; he didn't want that annoying guy hanging around him anyway. He still held quite a grudge for being called 'twitchy' but wasn't about to start a fight when he had more serious matters at hand.

But, all of a sudden, his 'serious matter' was grabbed up from the floor and right out of Hidan's lap.

"Hey!" Hidan barked, alarmed, as he stared up at Kakuzu while the man held Deidara bridal style in his arms.

"Shut up." Was all the man said to him. He turned and started to walk off, Deidara still limp in his arms.

The nerve of that bastard!

"Hey! Bitch! Get back here!" Hidan's eyes and mouth twitched. He shot up off of the ground (scrambling over Deidara's fallen school books while doing so) and then chased after the taller man.

A few grunts and odd noises left Hidan as he followed closely behind Kakuzu, earning him a few odd looks from those who had gathered in the hall. He paid them no attention. "Where the hell are you taking him?" He demanded from the brunette who held his best friend.

"The hospital." Kakuzu's tone held the distinct sound of someone who was seconds away from going 'ah, duh!'. "Like you should have done as soon as he hit the floor and didn't get up."

"Dei hates hospitals." Hidan muttered what he had been thinking about before. He quickened his pace to keep up with Kakuzu's long strides, though he couldn't do much to retrieve his friend from this guy. "Give him back; I'll take him by myself." He all but demanded.

"Shut up. Be grateful I'm helping at all."

Hidan's left eye twitched; he wanted to hit this guy for more than one reason now. As he opened his mouth, sucking in a deep breath and being mere seconds away from scolding this guy's ear off for being suck a dick, Deidara turned his head to the side and groaned.

"Blondie!" Hidan said instead, letting go of his massive intake of breath to call to Deidara. "Dei, you all right?" He was anxiously trying to peer over Kakuzu's shoulder at his friend, though he only saw the back of the blond's head.

"Mm..." Was the answer he received to his question.

"We're taking you to the hospital." Kakuzu suddenly informed the blond. His green eyes shifted down towards Deidara's thin form as he held him in his arms.

Turning his head back up, ever so slowly, Deidara took a moment to study the person that was carrying him. When he put a name to the face and realized that it was Kakuzu, his eyes widened a whole fraction of an inch. "Wha--" He began a bit hoarsely.

"You passed out, dumbass." Hidan chimed in, turning to walk backwards in front of Kakuzu so that he'd be able to see Deidara's face and make sure he was all right. "Dropped like a stone down the stairs, too." He sniggered. "Slammed right into Raggedy Ann here." His eyes blinking rapidly, he added in; "Bastard."

"Raggedy Ann?" Kakuzu's green eyes were focused completely on Hidan now, and the white haired man could have sworn that he felt holes being burned into his skull beneath that hard gaze. "That _better_ have been your Tourettes."

"...Fainted..." Deidara mumbled. He nodded, shut his eyes tightly like he resented the movement, and then began squirming against Kakuzu's arms. "I-I can walk, yeah. I'm okay now..."

Hidan looked up to Kakuzu and nodded for him to let Deidara down. The brunette didn't seem as confident as Hidan was in Deidara's ability to walk, but he stopped moving and slowly eased the blond's legs to the ground, supporting his back as Deidara stood straight and swayed a bit.

"Stupid." Hidan snapped as soon as Deidara had smiled at him to show that he was okay. The blond's smile melted away surprisingly fast when he heard Hidan's tone of voice. "What the hell's your problem?" The white haired man grabbed his friend's arm and started to lead them away to their car, hissing his scolding in Deidara's ear so that no one else could hear. "I _told_ you to eat breakfast! Or at least lunch. You didn't eat much at all today..." Hidan paused a moment. "Stupid!"

"Hidan..." Deidara began, still not looking all too well, but the other man didn't give him a word in edge-wise.

"I _told_ you! _Itachi_ told you! Why don't you listen? Friggin' bimbo, I swear..."

"You're _welcome_." A sarcastic sigh was heard as Kakuzu huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. He had remained in the same spot where Hidan and Deidara had left him, and was glaring lightly after the departing duo.

"Ah...thank you for your help, yeah." Deidara began as he looked back over his shoulder towards Kakuzu. Besides him, Hidan's face turned a bright red as he fumed, not liking being interrupted whilst he was in the middle of a lecture.

The white haired man grunted a bit, his eyes blinking roughly. They were blinking so rapidly, it seemed to him like he was watching a movie frame by frame. He clicked his tongue twice, then, when his tics stopped, crossed his arms and took the time to appear generally annoyed.

Kakuzu grunted, then shrugged. "Whatever." He said. He waved a hand lazily at Deidara, then turned away, stuffing his hands down his pockets. "Later, Barbie. Twitchy."

For one perfect second, there was silence. Then Deidara exchanged looks with Hidan.

"...Barbie?" The blond asked, combing over his long bangs in that typical nervous fashion of his.

"....Twitchy...." Hidan snarled, his cheeks puffing out and reddening again. "That sonova bitch..."

"Hidan, don't--" But Hidan brushed off Deidara's hands as the blond tried to grab his arm and keep him back; the white haired man steadily stormed his way after the tattooed male, glaring as best as he could while his eyes began to blink harshly again.

"_Twitchy_, huh?" He snarled as he finally reached Kakuzu's side. He grabbed the man's arm, yanking him back a bit as he glared up at him. "You wanna say that again, you friggin' prick?"

Kakuzu looked generally surprised at Hidan's straight-forward approach; for about two seconds. Then he just looked pissed. "Back off, _Twitchy_. If you don't let go of me in five seconds, you're not getting that hand of yours back."

"Oh, you bitch." Hidan said, quite calm despite the threat and the cold, green eyes that were suddenly locked on his own. He squeezed Kakuzu's arm, just to make a point.

"Ooh, this oughta be good!" The loud voice came from somewhere off to the side just then, pretty much throwing the whole scene off. Hidan risked a quick glance towards the sound to see who it was, and found that Kakuzu's two friends (the blue guy and the redheaded guy) were making their way across the parking lot towards them.

"Hn. Fights are always interesting--as long as I'm not involved in them." The redhead (Sasori, as Deidara had said his name was) commented. He sent a pointed gaze up at Kisame, who chuckled, looking a little flustered.

"Hmph." Kakuzu shrugged his shoulder, shaking away from Hidan's grip. He sent a heated look back down to the white haired man, then shouldered his way past him without another word.

"Hey! I'm not done with you!" Hidan called after him, once more stomping after Kakuzu. He might have seemed a bit more intimidating if he wasn't grunting every few seconds as his neck spasmed; his eyes were opening and closing roughly, too, making it a little hard to focus.

"But I'm done with _you_." The brunette retorted without looking back over his shoulder. He approached Kisame and Sasori and jerked his head up, showing that they ought to leave.

"Ooh!" Hidan growled, gritting his teeth and clenching his fists. "_You'resuchanass_!" He hissed, jumbling his words together in one breath. He knew his face must have been bright red; more from fury than from embarrassment, though. He was almost cross-eyed with the bubbling rage he felt.

"Hidan, calm down..." Deidara's softer, still rather tired, voice called to him. The blond's light footsteps were heard as he approached his friend, and then a hand was resting on the white haired man's shoulder, gently tugging at his shirt to pull him back. "Let's just go, yeah."

"Shut up, Deidara!" Hidan snapped. He shrugged off the blond's hand and then started to stomp after the retreating trio.

'Blinded by rage' was a good way to describe Hidan just at that moment; he couldn't really say what had happened between the time that he had scolded Deidara and the time that it took to actually catch up to Kakuzu and his friends, but all that he knew now was that he was holding thick locks of brown hair with one hand and that he had his other arm wrapped tightly around Kakuzu's throat. He clung to the man's back with his legs.

"Augh!" Was the first thing that Kakuzu uttered when Hidan tightened his grip on both his hair and his neck. He stumbled forward, slammed against the rear end of a parked Mercedes Benz, then proceeded to try and claw Hidan's arms off of himself. "Le'go, ya' lil' shit!" He wheezed.

"Call _me_ Twitchy, will ya'?" Hidan growled in return. He pushed his knees into Kakuzu's ribs as he kept himself latched onto the taller male and allowed a twisted smirk of pleasure to show on his face when he heard the brunette's pained groans.

"Hidan!" Deidara's voice broke as he yelped his friend's name; Hidan paid him no heed.

A little off to the side, Kisame was roaring with laughter.

"Shut up, Kisame" Sasori was muttering. But it was no use, since the sight of Hidan lunging himself at Kakuzu's back had apparently triggered the blue skinned male's funny bone.

"I _said_...Let. Go." Kakuzu rasped, ignoring all the noise around him. He gripped the arm that was wrapped around his throat and squeezed it particularly hard before a loud rumbling sound escaped him. Hidan had a full two seconds to be horrified before he was swung over Kakuzu's head, doing a flip, and then landing heavily on the gravel of the parking lot.

"Uwa--oomph!" All the air left the white haired man in one breath. Hidan coughed a couple of times as he lay flat on his back, Kakuzu glowering down at him and rubbing at his neck, and then he proceeded to moan quite loudly. "My fucking _back_! You _ass_!" He groaned, writhing.

"You started it, stupid bitch." Kakuzu panted, narrowing his dark green eyes at the man at his feet.

"Shut up!" Hidan shouted; he regretted that move in the next second since it jostled his chest and moved his back, and that was horribly painful at the moment. And then his tics decided that he had had enough free time and decided to return. He clicked his tongue a few times, eyes beginning a series of harsh blinking--it was quite symbolic about his mood at the moment, actually.

"Kakuzu."

The brunette turned his head in the direction that his name had been called and Hidan curiously turned his head to the side as well.

Kisame had stopped laughing, and he was currently hovering behind Sasori with a nervous air about him.

The redhead was slowly sinking onto his knees to the gound, a small bundle crumpled against his chest. Hidan watched as Kisame helped his friend slowly ease onto the hot gravel with the thin shape squirming meekly in protest.

"Oh shi--" Pink eyes widened when they focused on the scene completely. "Deidara!"

Hidan, ignoring the pain he still felt in his back, rolled onto his belly and pushed himself up. He brushed his way past Kakuzu without a second thought and hurried besides Sasori so that he could look down at the fallen friend that the man held.

"Deidara, you okay?" Hidan demanded, eyes still twitching like mad. But otherwise, he had all seriousness written on his face.

Deidara responded by glaring and flipping Hidan the bird with one pale, shaky hand. Clearly an 'if we had left when _I_ wanted to, this wouldn't have happened' gesture. "Nggh...I'm fine, yeah. I just lost my footing and--"

"You're shaking." Sasori interrupted him. The blond glanced up towards the redhead, as did Hidan. "We ought to get you to the doctor's."

"N-no, I'm okay; really. Thank you for catching me, but I was just dizzy and--"

"Deidara!" Someone hollered the blond's name. Foot falls were heard for a while, and then Itachi all but slid into a knelt position on Sasori's opposite side. He was panting heavily, looking like he had run from one half of the campus to the other, just to find them. Actually, he probably _had_. "I heard you fainted. Are you all right?" The Uchiha asked, swallowing thickly as he tried to regain his breathing.

Oh, what a rare sight to behold! Uchiha Itachi, straight-faced and sobered with worry; not a hint of perverted fantasy in his eyes. It wasn't everyday that that happened, so Hidan and Deidara were taken aback for a moment.

Hidan's head suddenly fell forward a bit as someone decided to push it from behind in a rude motion. He cursed, and when he looked over his shoulder, Kakuzu was there, glaring down at him lightly.

"I told you; you should have let me take him the hospital when we had the chance." He scoffed down to the white haired man.

"Shut the fuck up, ass-face! No one here wanted your help in the first place!" Hidan shouted back up to him. He could almost feel the vein beginning to pop out from his forehead, since it happened whenever he got mad.

"Hidan. Blood pressure." Itachi said.

"Fuck the blood pressure! You weren't here! You didn't hear what he called me!"

"Hidan." Itachi said, voice now stern. He narrowed his eyes, obviously annoyed at his friend's ability to be brought to anger so quickly.

"Fuck off!" The white haired man hollered, crossing his arms irritably over his chest. And then he added, with perfect timing; "Bastard." He clicked his tongue a couple of more times.

"God, your voice gets annoying..." Kakuzu muttered under his breath, scratching the inside of his ear with his pinky finger.

"Know what? I'll give you a ride home, if you don't want to go to the doctor's." Sasori interrupted Hidan's would-be scolding with that offer. A pair of red eyes as well as pink eyes moved his way. "But I really think you should get checked..." Sasori added.

"No, I'll be okay. Please? If it isn't too much trouble, a ride would be nice, yeah." Deidara had an embarrassed look passing over his face. Hidan's actions just now weren't helping with making him feel better, apparently.

"I guess I'll see you at home." Itachi muttered as Sasori nodded to Deidara's request and helped to ease the other to his feet. He, like Hidan,

"Mm." Deidara nodded slowly. He began to follow after the redhead, who started to walk towards an older looking pick-up truck. "See you." Blue eyes drifted down to Hidan, who was still seething as he knelt on the ground.

The white haired man scoffed when he caught the look, but shrugged and pushed himself up, dusting off. He'd _try_ to calm down. Deidara was probably upset with him for his attitude now (however subtly he showed it), so he'd have to go and say sorry and shit. What a bummer.

"We should go, Hidan." Itachi said, jerking his head towards Deidara's parked car. He dug the keys out of his pocket and twirled them on his finger.

"Tch. Whatever." Hidan agreed sulkily.

"Hmph." Kakuzu grunted. He turned on his heel, raising a hand in a lazy wave. "I'm off too. No more fun here. See ya' Big Blue. Red Eye. Squeaky." And with that, Kakuzu was gone. He hopped into his vehicle--a green, beat up looking jeep--and started the engine up. He was gone in a flash. Long before Hidan could completely register the new humiliating nickname that he had just been given.

When he did, he spat out his new word again and began a series of tics before he let out a frustrated yell of annoyance. "Fuck him! Fuck you all! I'm going to wait in the car! Hurry your slow ass up and drive us home, Uchiha!"

And Hidan literally stormed off with those parting words; he slammed the car door shut after himself once he was inside the small yellow vehicle, and the poor thing shook with the force he'd used.

"...Huh. Red Eye." Itachi muttered, running his thumb just beneath his left eye. "That's a new one."

Kisame, who was the only one left in the parking lot with him, shuffled his feet awkwardly and gave a snort of amusement. "Sad to say that I'm used to hearing Big Blue."

Itachi's mental light switch flicked upwards at the sound of the taller man's voice; the light bulb in his head flickered for a moment, then shone with such brilliance that it wouldn't have surprised the Uchiha if his eyes glowed because of it.

"Oh, that's not so bad, really." He hummed, shrugging carelessly. "But that could just be me; blue has always been my favorite colour after all..." He smirked faintly to to Kisame, then sighed and walked past him towards Deidara's car. He made sure his shoulder brushed against Kisame's arm just slightly as he did so.

"R-really?" He heard Kisame ask from behind him. There was silence for a moment as Itachi continued to calmly walk towards the yellow car, and then, just as he had hoped, Kisame took the bait he had set out and been waving around in his face for over a week now. "Oh yeah, hey! Been wanting to ask if you wanted to go hang at the movies or something later. Bring your friends if you want."

Itachi half-turned to blink up at Kisame. He pretended to consider it, then nodded his head. "Sure." He opened the car door and put one leg into the vehicle. "Maybe this weekend." He smiled in a clearly smug way, waved, and then crawled into the car the rest of the way.

"...Don't tell me." Hidan said through gritted teeth when he saw the giddy expression working over Itachi's face.

"Oh yes." Itachi smirked quite wide and nodded. "He fell for it. Hook, line and sinker. Score." He winked Hidan's way, then started up the engine and headed off towards their home to go and check on Deidara and maybe nag his ear off about listening to them when they told him to eat.

The only problem with that idea was the fact that when they arrived, Deidara wasn't home yet.

**Songstone: I was gonna write a mini-rant saying how I know that Tourette's Syndrom doesn't make you curse more than it does just make a person make noises, but I'm too tired to do so at the moment. D: I'll get to it later. xD Hope you guys all enjoy! Lemme know what you thought, both about the chapter in itself as well as what you think of Hidan's new nickname. xD**


	7. A major disapointment

**Mania**

**A story by Songstone**

**Songstone: Hurray, I actually managed to finish this. xD And it's the longest chapter, now. D: 7,530 words, in total. xD So, I hope you enjoy. Hope it's not TOO long. 8D;;**

**Chapter 7: A major disappointment  
**

Around the time that Itachi was inwardly celerating his victory over baiting Kisame, Deidara was hugging his waist and lying slumped against the seat in Sasori's truck, suffering from an illness know as motion sickness.

They seemed to be hitting every pothole in the roads, and the blond was trying hard not to complain. But all the bumps were jostling him way too much for him to be comfortable, and he felt as if he were going to be sick--which should have been impossible, given that he hadn't eaten anything that day, so there should be nothing to get sick _with_.

"Uuhnn..." He couldn't help but to whimper as they rolled over a speed bump. His stomach churned and he shut his eyes; he kept his forehead against the cool glass of the window.

"You okay?" The redhead's calm voice sounded somewhere to his left. Deidara forced himself to nod, and then he heard Sasori scoff. "You don't _look_ okay."

"Then why ask?" Deidara questioned, his voice holding a bit of bite, which was unusual for him. But then again, he wasn't feeling well and this guy was driving like a nut and making it worse, so he couldn't find it in himself to be nice at the moment.

"Well then, why lie?" Sasori countered. Deidara turned his head to look at him and brown orbs shifted his way in a questioning look. "If you don't feel good, don't say that you do. I'll still take you to the doctor; no problem."

The blond shook his head. "No, thanks." He insisted. "But..." Here he paused to look to the dirty floor of the pickup and chew at his lip.

"Hn?" Sasori's eyes flickered back towards the road for a brief moment, and then the chocolate coloured orbs shifted Deidara's way once again.

"I...I've been so stressed at school, yeah...What with all the tests I have to study for, I...I forgot to eat today..." Deidara was never a good liar, but he hoped to at least pull of _this_ little fib. "I think that's all that's wrong. Could you please take me somewhere so I can get a bite to eat, yeah?"

"Forgot to eat?" Sasori repeated Deidara's words. He snorted as if amused by the idea of someone actually forgetting such a basic need as eating, then shrugged his shoulders. "Sure, whatever."

"Thanks." The blond said quietly. He felt his cheeks darken slightly at Sasori's amused reaction to his 'forgetfulness', but didn't brood over it for too long.

"Where do you want me to stop?" Sasori asked. "What restaurant?"

Deidara took a moment to look outside the window and think of what was nearby; well, they certainly weren't lacking in fast food restaurants here at all. There were tons of them. And Konoha was well known for their ramen. But Deidara refused to eat anything of the sort; new diet and all. Hmm...where could he get a good salad?

"Any day, now." Sasori said, snapping his fingers for urgency.

"Tch. Impatient, are we?" Deidara asked, turning to look back at the redhead.

"I don't like waiting around pointlessly." Sasori retorted. "Why not here?" He asked next, nodding his head at a little burger joint that they were getting close to.

Deidara winced. "Well, I..." He began, trying to think of a way he could excuse himself from eating at a place like that. "I'm a vegitarian." He finally said. "I don't eat that kind of stuff, yeah." He smiled sheepishly.

"Vegitarian?" The redhead asked, smirking in bemusement. "You're serious?"

"Yes." Deidara said, lifting his head up in indignation.

"Huh." Sasori said thoughtfully. He eyed Deidara blatantly, then snorted. "No wonder you're so skinny. You need protein."

The blond's eyes widened a fraction of an inch and he blinked up at Sasori as he felt a heat creep over his cheeks. He knew Sasori was suggesting that he looked a little on the unhealthy side, but...he thought he was...thin? Deidara couldn't help but to look down at himself thoughtfully. Not since middle school had he considered himself to be on the small side. He saw so many things wrong in his reflection, and his weight was one of them.

But it was kind of...relieving? Kind of comforting to hear that someone thought that he was 'skinny' after all of the efforts he put into keeping in shape. He might not be pretty, but at least he was succeeding, somewhat, in keeping his frame small.

"Ah...aha...yeah, probably..." Deidara said, giving a slightly nervous laugh as he started to comb through his bangs with his fingers.

"Hn. Okay, fine." Sasori shrugged his shoulders. "No meat, then...huh..." He brought his truck to a bumpy stop at a red light, which made Deidara cringe, then leaned his head back against his seat as he thought for a while. "Oh. I know." He said at last. "Pizza."

The blond could have sworn he felt his heart sink a bit. "Pizza?" That was way worse than burgers! So greasy and salty...ugh! "I...I don't--"

"C'mon, don't say you don't eat pizza, either." Sasori said, smirking faintly. "We can order one with just cheese or something. I'm kinda hungry too, so..." The redhead shrugged again, looking Deidara's way for an answer.

"Uhm..." The blond chewed on his lower lip. He couldn't really change his mind and say he wasn't hungry; his stomach was growling quite loudly (though it was mostly drowned out by the engine in Sasori's truck). He was still feeling weak, and he knew he had to eat something in order to feel better. So, a bit unwillingly, Deidara nodded his head. "Okay."

Sasori nodded, then stepped onto the gas pedal in the next second as the traffic light turned green. The move sent Deidara back against the passenger seat and he chose to stay there, slumping a bit and trying to wait patiently until they got to their desired location.

- - -

That previous wave of self-confidence that he had gotten when Sasori had said he was skinny had left Deidara as soon as had taken that first bite of pizza.

The blond was trying to remember how long it had been since he had eaten pizza; a year? Two? It felt like eons since he had had that fatty, gooey, salty, cheesy mess on his tongue.

Oh God it was awful, but so addicting.

Deidara wanted to gorge himself on this wonderful food; he wanted to dump tons of parmesan onto his slice and inhale it fast so that he could move onto the next piece. But he would never allow himself to do such a thing since he knew that he would feel horribly guilty and ashamed of himself afterward. So he ate deliberately slow, savouring every small bite he took.

However, no matter how slowly he ate, it didn't change the effect that the pizza had as soon as it hit his stomach. It was a painful feeling to have food being put back into his stomach after he had gone so long without it. But Deidara ate through the pain, since he knew that he would feel better afterward.

"You eat like a bird." Sasori commented as he sat across the table from the blond.

Deidara looked up at him and offered a small, sheepish smile. "I know, yeah. Sorry."

Sasori had already eaten his first slice and was nearly halfway finished with his second. Deidara, however, had finally started to make a dent in his first piece of pizza with all of the small nibbles he was making.

"Hn." Sasori ripped off a chunk of the crust with his teeth and chewed on it for a while before he swallowed and took a long drink from the soda he'd gotten for himself. "Anyway, are you feeling better now that you've got at least a _little_ something in your stomach?" He asked as he lowered the coke bottle back down to the table, away from his lips.

"Mm." Deidara nodded his head and bit into the pizza; his bite was a bit bigger than intended, but he chewed it all up anyway and swallowed heavily before he grinned over at the redhead. "Yes. Lots better, yeah. Thanks for stopping here."

"No problem." Sasori shrugged. He lifted a third slice of pizza from the box that rested in the middle of the table between them and dug into it with as much vigor as he had with the first slice he'd grabbed. "But seriously." He spoke around a mouthful of cheese and bread. "You should hurry up and eat more before I end up finishing the whole box alone."

Deidara chuckled at the thought. "I'll eat, don't worry." He assured. "I just...eat slowly, yeah."

"Tch. If you ate any slower the crust would have mold on it by the time you got there." The redhead deadpanned.

Deidara laughed again and turned a light shade of pink in embarrassment. "Sorry." He repeated, chuckling. He took a larger bite of his slice of pizza in retaliation to the redhead's comment and chewed it thoughtfully for a while.

"Whatever." Sasori said, smirking in return. He paused for a moment, winced, then grunted as he shifted a bit in his seat. He lowered his half-eaten pizza back to the table and then reached into the inside of his jacket. He fumbled around for something for a while.

Deidara watched him between the glances he directed at his own nearly finished pie slice and saw when Sasori brought his hand back out from his jacket, fist closed. He tilted his head to one side, slightly curious.

When the redhead seemed to take notice of being watched, he looked up at Deidara and smirked before he opened his hand to show the other two small red-and-white pill capsules resting in his palm. He used his free hand to pat his left leg lightly. "I get phantom pains every now and then." He informed the blond. "These help me deal with them."

"Phantom pa--oh." Deidara blinked when he realized what Sasori meant. He tilted his head and glanced down to the other's leg while Sasori swallowed both pills at once with a long drink of soda. "If you don't mind me asking, yeah..." The blond began. "How did you...uhm..."

"Hn?" Sasori set his drink down again, then went back to his food. "How did I...?" He took a bite out of his slice and then made an 'mm' sound. "Oh. How'd I lose my leg?" He asked. When Deidara nodded meekly, he shrugged his shoulders. "It got caught under one very angry stallion's hooves when I was thirteen. Mashed it up pretty bad." He shrugged again. "So they chopped it off n' gave me this." He tapped his leg again as he went back to eating.

"What? Really?" Deidara asked, surprised at how casually Sasori had spoken about such an accident.

"Well, what would be the point of lying about something like that?" Sasori asked, and rolled his eyes.

Deidara half coughed and half chuckled at that. "Well, I know you must be telling the truth, but it's just...wow. That must have been pretty painful, yeah."

Sasori considered Deidara for a moment, then smirked. "Better a leg than a head."

Deidara chuckled a bit more openly at hearing that reasoning; he gave an agreeing nod. "That's true." He grinned, and it was only then that he found that he had finished off his piece of pizza at last. He was still hungry, but he wasn't reaching for a second slice anytime soon. "So, you, uh, like horses?" He asked curiously as he sipped his water.

"Hn." Was Sasori's monosyllabic responce. He finished off his own food, then licked his fingers before he gave an actual answer. "Yeah, I do. Grew up around them. I've lived on a ranch for as long as I can remember...me and my grandma have three horses that I take care of at the moment."

The blond leaned forward on his elbows and rested his chin in his palm. "Hm. That sounds like fun, yeah." He said, grinning. "I've never riden a horse before, but it's always looked kind of interesting."

"It's fun once you get used to it." Sasori said with a nod. He pointed to the box of leftover pizza and then blinked across at Deidara when the blond had made no move for a second piece. "Are you finished, or...?"

Deidara looked thoughtfully at the remaining slices for a moment, then looked back to Sasori and nodded. "Yeah. I'm done."

Nodding, Sasori closed up the box and began to gather up their trash to dispose of. "Yup...just like a bird..." He muttered under his breath. Deidara grinned again.

"I'll take it." The blond offered, taking the trash from Sasori. He rose from his seat and went to the trashcan near the back of the restaurant to dispose of their napkins and drinks. As he returned to their table, the redhead was already on his feet. He thrust the box of leftovers Deidara's way and the blond grabbed it, unsure.

"Take it home with you." Sasori insisted as he stuffed his hands down the pockets of his pants. "You might want to eat more later." And with a nod of the head for Deidara to follow, Sasori turned and headed for the exit. "Come on, 'Barbie,' I'll drive you home now." He said, smirking over his shoulder at the blond.

"Hey!" Deidara said, face flushing. "That's not funny, yeah." He muttered as he hurried after Sasori, heading out into the parking lot.

Sasori chuckled from in front of him without turning back around. "Oh, I don't know, I think it kind of is. Kakuzu has always been pretty good at giving nicknames, I'll give him that much."

"Tch." Deidara rolled his eyes, then scoffed a bit as he crawled back into that noisy pick-up truck in order to finally get home.

- - -

"Thanks for the ride again, yeah." Deidara said to Sasori as he stood on the driveway that led to his house. It hadn't been a long drive from the restraunt to here, but they had been taking their time (what was the rush?), so if Deidara were to check his watch, he'd take note that it was leading into five pm.

"Mm." Sasori nodded briefly. "See you at school or something, Deidara. Hope you feel better." He said. He reached over and put his truck back into drive; as he was pulling away from the curb, he stuck his hand outside of the window and lifted it in a parting wave.

Deidara waved after him as well and then he smiled softly to himself. That had been kind of fun, actually; hanging out with Sasori wasn't too bad. At least he wasn't scary like his friends.

He was _way_ cuter than his friends as well, so that was a plus.

Shifting the box of pizza from one hand to the other, Deidara then turned and proceeded to make his way up his driveway. His car was there, so Itachi and Hidan were obviously home. Deidara hoped that they hadn't been too worried over him. Honestly, those two behaved more like his parents sometimes.

Deidara hopped up the steps that led to the porch and then twisted the doorknob, pushing the door inward as he stepped into the house. "Guys? I'm back, yeah."

"Fuckin' finally!" Hidan's voice greeted him from the kitchen. A couple of seconds after Deidara had kicked off his shoes and was standing in the walkway between the kitchen and the living room, Hidan was at his side, looking like he had been seething for quite a while and had just found his outlet for frustration. "Where the hell were you, blondie? You know I was getting ready to start calling hospitals? I thought you might've gotten into a fuckin' accident or something! And I was calling you for, like, forever! You should turn your phone on after class, stupid!"

"You brought food?" Itachi's calm, tired voice came from the common room. A few soft foot falls later, and the brunette had joined both Hidan and Deidara in the walkway. He appeared to have been forced to listen to Hidan's ranting and raving for a while, since he looked bored out of his skull. He peeked over the blond's shoulder at the box of pizza he held.

Hidan looked annoyed at being interrupted for a moment, but then his pink eyes slipped down to the box that Deidara held, and he tilted his head. "You got pizza?"

"Yeah." Deidara nodded his head. He shouldered his way past both of his friends and put down the box on the table before he went to the fridge to scout for a bottle of cool water. "Sasori and I stopped by a pizza place for lunch." He admitted a bit sheepishly, back turned to both of the other male's.

Nevertheless, Deidara could almost _see_ Hidan's jaw dropping and Itachi's eyes widening when they heard his words. Both of them sputtered a bit.

"_You_ ate _pizza_, Dei?" Hidan asked.

"_You_ ate _pizza_ with Sasori? A guy you barely know? Oh, but when _I_ ask you, you won't lick chocolate off of my--"

"Itachi! Please!" Deidara shut the fridge and turned to face the other two, his cheeks red.

"Huh. Would'ya look at that?" Hidan asked as he opened the box on the table a bit and peered in at the remnants of the pie. He dropped the cover after a moment, then crossed his arms over his chest as he smirked over at Deidara. "You need to hang out with carrot top more often if he gets you to actually eat." He said. He clicked his tongue and tapped their wooden table twice as his eyes blinked roughly.

The blond huffed and opened the bottle of water he'd gotten out of the fridge. "Don't get your hopes up. I only ate one piece, yeah. And I don't plan on having anymore of _that_ anytime soon." He wrinkled his nose down at the pizza. "You guys can have it." He began to rummage through a few cupboards until he found the box of energy bars that he snacked on every so often; he grabbed one and headed out of the kitchen towards the stairs.

"Where are you going? Aren't you going to tell us about your date?" Itachi asked, taking a few steps after Deidara. Hidan seemed to have found peace in devouring what was left of the cheese pizza, so he didn't bother with trailing the blond.

Deidara gave a laugh at hearing that and rolled his eyes as he turned to look at Itachi briefly. "It wasn't a date!"

"Who paid for the pizza?" Itachi questioned, crossing his arms as he looked up at Deidara from the bottom of the stairs.

"Huh?"

"Who paid? If he treated you, then it was a date."

"...Well, I was going to, but he insisted...we ended up splitting it in the end, yeah." Deidara took a sip from his water bottle casually.

"Hm. He was going to _make_ it a date. He was trying to buy you lunch." The Uchiha informed his friend. "Honestly, Deidara, and here I thought you knew this stuff..."

"He was _not_ going to make it a date!" Deidara insisted, face going red again. "He was just being polite, yeah!"

"Hn. Sure, whatever." Itachi said, smirking like he had just proven something to himself. Then he slowly sank down onto the third step from the bottom, still peering up at the blond. "You know, speaking of dates, _I've_ got one coming up."

"Do you now?" The blond asked, tilting his head. He descended a few steps and sat down just a few steps above Itachi. "Which teacher?" He asked snidely.

"It's not a teacher this time." Itachi said, smiling again. "But you know him pretty well."

Deidara took a moment to think, nibbling on his granola bar in the mean time, and then he recalled the man whom Itachi had been obsessing over for the past couple of weeks and gaped at the Uchiha. "Kisame?"

"Hn. Correct." The Uchiha grinned proudly, crossing his arms smugly. "He asked me to the movies this weekend."

"And he invited _us_, too!" Hidan chimed in from the kitchen. He came around the corner, licking his fingers, and just leaned against the wall closest to his friends so that they could all talk. "Bastard." He grunted out, his head shaking from side to side in another tic.

"True, he said you two could tag along if you so wished." Itachi reminisced, scratching lightly at his chin.

"Then can you really call it a date?" Deidara asked, raising an eyebrow slowly.

Itachi rolled his eyes. "Duh! Group date."

"...Right." Hidan and Deidara exchanged bored glances with one another at hearing their roommate's logic.

"Anyway, he might have invited you guys, but you two will be too _busy_ to go anywhere that day. Right?" Itachi asked, looking sternly from Hidan to Deidara.

"Tch. Please. I don't want to go to the movies anyway, yeah. All people do there is throw popcorn at each other." The blond shivered at the idea of popcorn; salty, buttery, fattening...ick.

Hidan waved a hand dismissively towards Itachi. "I ain't interested. You two can fuck in the theater for all I care."

Itachi's eyes glinted in a way that showed that he found that idea to be appealing and both Deidara and Hidan shared a groan.

"Don't give him ideas, yeah." The blond hissed.

"My bad." Hidan said, rubbing the back of his head as he grinned sheepishly. "But seriously, Itachi, you don't want to get kicked out of the movies, do you?"

"You're already banned from McDonald's for life after that stunt you pulled with the barbecue sauce, remember, yeah?" Deidara reminded the Uchiha gently.

Itachi rolled his eyes and huffed. "I don't make the same mistakes twice." He said, annoyed. "In any case, I _will_ be getting laid in a couple of more days." Itachi said that in a sing-song, now wearing one of his more seductive smiles as he slowly rose to his feet and started to head upstairs; he brushed past Deidara as the blond kept his spot on the stairs.

Itachi pat Deidara on the head once. Then, when the blond looked up at him from over his shoulder, the Uchiha winked his way. "Don't get jealous, all right, Dei?" The brunette asked sweetly. "I'll make it up to you after I come back from my date."

"Joy." The blond scoffed sarcastically. And then he bit into his granola bar more viciously than intended.

- - -

"Okay guys, I'm off to the movies now." Itachi warned a couple of days later as he padded heavily downstairs. He had succeeded in hogging up the bathroom for nearly two hours; thirty minutes longer than Deidara usually did. But now he looked not only dateable, but fuckable to boot; he felt himself worthy enough to leave the house now. "If I'm not back in a few hours, then you know that I'll probably--_hello_." The Uchiha stopped dead in his tracks as he passed the living room, doing a double-take before he tilted his head at the scene in front of the couch.

Deidara looked up at Itachi--from between his legs. He and Hidan were sprawled out on a couple of yoga mats, doing a few stretches that Itachi couldn't remember the names of at the moment; but they involved both of them having thier rear ends in the air, so he couldn't really be bothered with remembering the _name_ of the pose.

"Ooh, I could get off to this." Itachi said, smirking.

"Shut the--nggh--fuck up, Uchiha." Hidan snapped. He grumbled something, then looked to Deidara. "Dei! All the blood's rushin' to my head! Can I get out of this stupid pose now? How long have we been at it anyway? An hour? I'm getting fuckin' bored!"

"Five minutes, yeah." Deidara rolled his eyes. Slowly, both he and Hidan lay back onto the mats, flat.

"What's all this for anyway?" Itachi asked, gesturing to the mats and looking at Deidara accusingly. Only the blond could possibly know of (and have) this kind of stuff.

"I'm trying yoga therapy with Hidan." Deidara chirped as he rolled over and sat up straight, stretching his arms over his head. "It's to help him relieve some stress."

"Fucking evil shit! Who the hell invented yoga? It must be some kind of medieval torture method or some stupid shit like that...seriously..." Hidan grumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. He was blinking roughly and shaking his head from side to side. "Bastard." He spat the word out twice, then went back to shaking his head in another tic.

"...It's not going so well, yeah." The blond admitted sheepishly, wincing at the annoyed gaze Hidan sent his way.

"If it's a stress reliever you wanted, then you should have told me." Itachi said. "I could have made time before the movie to 'relieve' you."

"Go fuck Shamoo already and shut the hell up." Hidan retorted, making a 'get lost' motion with his hand.

Smirking, the Uchiha waved lazily at his two friends. "Sounds like a plan." And then he headed out the door; walking, since he wanted to leave Deidara his car in case he and Hidan wanted to go somewhere else this weekend.

Itachi wasn't planning on going anywhere else besides the movies...and then Kisame's place, of course. Considering if all things worked out the way he planned.

- - -

Okay...this was _so_ not working out the way he planned...

"Thanks for buying the popcorn, Sasori." Kisame said, grabbing a handful of the mentioned food out of the large tub the redhead was carrying.

Sasori sent an annoyed glare up at Kisame. "Tch. Who said I got it for you to mooch off of?" He asked, but rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

"You want some, Itachi?" Kisame asked, looking over at the Uchiha.

"Yes, by all means." Sasori said, voice dripping in sarcasm.

"Hn." Itachi considered the hot popcorn, the moody redhead who was holding the popcorn, then shook his head, peeking over the top of Sasori's head in order to look at Kisame fully. "I think I'll pass..."

Okay...Itachi hadn't really thought about the possibilities of Kisame inviting one of _his_ friend's to the movie as well. Having Sasori seated between them was kind of--to be blatantly honest--a mood killer. If he could at least have the small possibility that he could score a threesome here, then maybe Itachi would be able to deal with this little intrusion.

But _no_! Sasori (and _Kisame_ for that matter) wouldn't even look at him! Itachi was sure that if he were to strip naked then and there and throw himself onto the both of them that they wouldn't even bat an eyelash. They were too wound up in the stupid movie.

So, sinking lower into his seat and crossing his arms over his chest, Itachi reverted to something rather childish, but something that he found he had never truly outgrown; he pouted thoughought the rest of the film.

**Songstone: Awwwwww. Poor Itachi. D'8 No sex for you, Itchy. Sorry. -pets him- Maybe next time! 8D;; Please R&R and tell me what you thought!**


	8. A fish swims both ways

**Mania**

**A story by Songstone**

**THANK GOD, I ACTUALLY FINISHED THIS. D: I thought I would die before it got done. xDD;; Sorry it took a while, but you know how writer's block gets. DX Anyway, I'm glad it's done. Hope you enjoy!  
**

**Chapter 8: A fish swims both ways**

"That was a great movie!" The exclamation rang down the long halls of the theater as people departed from their ending movie, and some strangers even jeered in agreement.

Only one person wasn't as enthusiastic as Kisame and the other's were, and he merely shrugged his shoulders. "Hn."

"It was one of the best I've seen in a long time." The blue skinned male continued, grinning like a child who had just gotten an ice cream cone before dinner.

"Hn." Itachi repeated.

"...You didn't like it, did you?" Kisame asked, chuckling lightly as he finally seemed to note Itachi's rather bored expression whilst they departed from the movie theater.

"Not particularly." Itachi admitted, feigning a small, embarrassed grin up at the other man. It wasn't so much that the movie was _bad_. In fact, the film might have captured his interest had he not had his heart set on some sort of snuggling or fondling with Kisame.

"I can kind of tell." The blue skinned male scratched at his head absently. "Sorry, then; maybe you can choose the movie next time." He offered.

Itachi brought up a hand to shield his eyes from the offending sunlight as they finally exited the dark cinema, squinting and blinking his eyes a few times to stop the stinging in the red orbs. At hearing the possibility of another 'date,' Itachi visibly brightened up. He smiled a bit more easily and nodded his head once. "I like that idea." He purred, walking a few steps out of his way just to let his arm brush Kisame's as they walked side by side.

"Hn. Just as long as it's nothing girly."

Itachi sighed as Sasori spoke up, interrupting himself and Kisame. Again.

Okay, Itachi really had nothing against Sasori; he was smart, quick-witted, and he had somehow managed to get Deidara to actually _eat_. Plus he was hot. Itachi actually held respect for the man. But honestly, he was kind of killing the mood Itachi was trying to set.

And even if Itachi had tried to get _both_ men to acknowledge him in a way that didn't involve needing a soda refill, both had completely ignored his attempts.

Okay, maybe not 'ignored' per-se; Itachi guessed that there was something about that action movie they had been watching that had turned both men into drooling, monosyllabic morons, incapable of properly registering that the Uchiha was coming onto them at all.

Yeah. That was the reason.

"Hey, Sasori, you okay?" Kisame suddenly asked, quirking a brow down at the redhead. Itachi blinked up at the man, then turned his gaze towards the shorter male, who was a few paces behind them as Kisame continued; "You're limping."

"Hn." Sasori shrugged, shuffling after both men slowly. Upon inspection, there was indeed a stagger in his step, and once noticing it, Itachi furrowed his brow and cocked his head to one side, wondering when it had appeared in the first place. "My leg is giving me hell today, s'all." Sasori mumbled, dragging his feet a bit on the gravel of the parking lot, wincing when stepping onto his left foot.

"Did you pull something? You do seem in quite a bit of pain." Itachi commented, gracing the two men with one of his more innocent conversation forms, not bothering with flirtation since it hadn't gotten him anywhere in the past two and a half hours. Why even bother anymore?

At hearing his question, however, Kisame and Sasori exchanged looks, and then grinned faintly before snorting in amusement. The reaction baffled the Uchiha, and he was actually slightly offended, so he narrowed his eyes at the two of them in annoyance.

Kisame was the one who caught the annoyed and questioning look first, so he cleared his throat and waved a hand over in Sasori's direction. "It's a prosthetic leg."

Itachi blinked up at the blue skinned man, then glanced Sasori's way once more. "...Is it now?" He asked, head tilting to one side. Well, that was interesting. He wondered if Deidara already knew that about the guy.

"Hn. The worst I can get is a splinter." Sasori deadpanned.

Kisame laughed at the other's words, then dug around in his pocket a bit; the rattling of loose change could be heard, and then the clang of car keys. "Just take some of your meds or whatever. Kill the pain." Kisame suggested to his friend.

Itachi saw from the corner of his eye the bored, annoyed look that Sasori sent Kisame's way, and he almost grinned because of it.

"Well, Kisame, that's brilliant. Wonder why I didn't think of it--oh yeah. Because I left my medicine at _home_, genius." Sasori rolled his eyes.

"But you always have your meds on you."

"I ran out halfway through the movie. The rest are at home."

"Tch. Then go home." Kisame grunted.

_Yes! Finally!_ Itachi couldn't help but to beam at the suggestion, and he glanced back at Sasori in an almost hopeful manner.

"Well, not like we're going anywhere else, right?" Sasori asked, glancing between both Itachi and Kisame. "I might as well go lie down and rest." He sighed, scratching the back of his head as he veered off to the right a little bit, towards his truck.

"Well, it was nice to have seen the movie with you." Itachi said, giving a faint grin as he waved a hand casually.

_Tch. Not._

"Hn. You too." Sasori replied as he crawled up into his pickup and shut the door, hissing as if in terrible pain whilst he did so. He twisted to the side, rummaged around for something, and just as Itachi was turning to walk away towards Kisame, who had waved and was already back to looking for his car, the redhead leaned back out the open window. "Hey. Itachi."

The brunette resisted the urge to roll his eyes or groan, or anything trivial of the sort. He glanced over his shoulder instead and quirked a brow quizzically.

"Here." Sasori said simply. He stuck his hand out the window, then tossed something small and blue at Itachi's head. As it fell downwards and Itachi caught it in his arms, the item had unfolded and revealed itself as a thin sweater. "Give that to your little blond friend; he left it in my truck a few days ago and I forgot to give it back to him."

Blinking down at the clothing item, Itachi nodded briefly and then absently began to fold it back up against his chest. Ah, Deidara. Forgetful as ever. The blond might have a photographic memory, but sometimes Itachi thinks he forgets to add the film. "Sure." He said simply.

Sasori didn't respond; he already had his window rolled up and was putting his truck into reverse. Rather than be run over and smeared into the pavement, Itachi quickly stepped away from the truck and turned, finding Kisame already at his car. The Uchiha's heart sunk a little. Over? Already? Kisame hadn't even looked back over his shoulder to see whether Itachi was following or not.

Sighing, the Uchiha slowly walked over towards the man, who was getting inside of the white vehicle. He cleared his throat. "Thank you for inviting me, Kisame. It was...interesting." He said, musing over which word to use to describe the afternoon.

Kisame looked up from where he was putting his keys into the ignition of the car, and he grinned slightly. "Yeah. It was pretty cool."

Itachi nodded. "I should get walking now. See you in school."

Kisame blinked over at the brunette for a moment, and when Itachi had turned around to leave, he heard the blue skinned man make a little noise of mild surprise. "You walked here? Why didn't you say so? Want a ride?"

Itachi froze mid-step and stared ahead of himself, wide-eyed. Did...he really just offer him a ride? The Uchiha almost smacked his own forehead; if he had known Kisame would have offered him a _ride_ in his _car_, _alone_, then he wouldn't have been sulking so much earlier. He slowly turned and faced the other again, giving a faint grin. "Actually, that would be nice..."

- - -

The car ride was a lot quicker than Itachi expected, given that Kisame drove pretty fast. It wasn't a very long drive to his home, either, so he figured he should make _one last_ move on this guy before they arrived at his house.

So, when he and Kisame had a rather easy conversation going, Itachi decided to go for it.

"Do you like men or women?"

Well, he had to start somewhere.

"Wha--_huh_?" Kisame sputtered slightly, gripping the steering wheel a little too tight since his knuckles paled a few shades. Then again, he was looking a little ashen in the face, as well.

"Just curious." Itachi assured, shrugging non-chalantly. He was slightly annoyed that Kisame hadn't answered him and was just staring at him awkwardly, though. So he sighed and lifted his hand as if he were in class and knew the answer to the question on the board. "I'm gay, in case you're wondering." But then again, Itachi liked to make that fact blatantly clear to all those whom he met.

"I know...I mean! Ah, I just figured--well, not because you look--or anything--and---I just...!"

"Kisame, watch the road and stop blabbering." Itachi said, sighing softly. He rarely used such a tone with others besides his friends and family, but he felt in nessicary since having Kisame continue on in such an embarrassing way wouldn't get him anywhere.

"Huh? Oh...yeah..." Kisame muttered, tearing his eyes away from Itachi and looking at the road again; his fingers flexed a bit as he gripped the wheel. He swallowed thickly, and Itachi studied as his Adam's Apple bobbed due to the motion with bored interest.

"...Well?" The brunette finally asked.

"...Well?"

"You didn't answer if you liked men or women."

"Oh..." Kisame cleared his throat a little bit and removed one hand from the wheel to scratch at his unruly blue hair. "Women." He finally replied.

Now, Itachi held great pride in himself, and he had been bragging to Hidan and Deidara about how he could sway any straight man he wanted. He really had no doubt that he could do just that if he had the opportunity. But still, as Kisame answered, he felt a bit of that confidence crumble; just a little.

He was about to give a reply along the lines of 'I see' in the tone he reserved for disinterest or boredom, when Kisame slowly, very softly, added; "...Most of the time..."

Had he heard right? Oh please, God in heaven, let him have heard right! "Is that so?" He asked, quirking a brow as he peered over at Kisame from the corner of his eye.

The blue skinned man turned a deep shade of purple; like he hadn't expected Itachi to have actually _heard_ him say that last part, but he shrugged and nodded gruffly anyway.

"...Hm. Interesting." Itachi commented shortly. Inside, however, he was about as giddy as a schoolgirl over finding this out. So there _was_ hope here, after all. He flicked some stray hair over his shoulder, then leaned back in his seat, watching the road whiz past like a blur as Kisame broke another speed limit.

- - -

_"Let's go out again soon."_

Those were the parting words Itachi gave Kisame before he strolled up his driveway and let himself into the house without another backwards glance. He hoped that the words had been effective enough in letting Kisame know that he was interested in him. Surely the man wasn't _that_ dense.

"I'm back." He called inside of the small house once he had shut and locked the door after himself.

Hidan and Deidara could be heard in the living room, talking amongst themselves while a stream of soft, light music played in the background. After Itachi had kicked off his shoes and walked around the corner and into the living room, he found both of his friends sitting crosslegged on the floor, a stack of playing cards in between them.

"Welcome back." Deidara said simply, smiling briefly at the brunette before he turned back to the hand of cards he held in his hand and furrowed his brow.

"Hey, what're you doing home so early? Thought you n' Shamoo would'a been at it a _lot_ longer than this." Hidan chuckled, grinning cheekily up at Itachi as he pat the ground besides himself for the Uchiha to sit.

Itachi huffed, crossed his arms, but slowly walked over and sank to the ground anyway, briefly observing the game of King's Corner going on before him. "He brought Sasori with him." Itachi sighed softly. "My initial thoughts were of a threesome, but...sadly, boys, action movies have a strange effect on the minds of some men."

"...Wassat shit supposed to mean?" Hidan asked, snorting. He drew a card when Deidara motioned for him to do so, then grunted as his mouth started to form different shapes in another tic. He frantically started to arrange his cards in whatever order appealed to his OCD.

"You mean you didn't get any; right, yeah?" Deidara asked, looking up from his cards for the first time and peering Itachi's way. He grinned a bit, snidely, when Itachi gave a curt nod. "Not so irresistible now, are you?"

"Shut up." Itachi sighed, looking generally annoyed. He took another moment, then smiled slowly. "However...I did find out that 'Shamoo' swings both ways."

"No shit, really?" Hidan asked once his tics had settled a bit. He lay down three cards, then started to rearrange the ones left in his hand before signaling to Deidara that it was his turn.

"Mm." Itachi nodded. "And I left him with the idea of another 'date'. Hopefully he'll take a hint from my actions and leave his little friends behind." Hidan chortled at that, and Itachi glared at him until he stifled the sound. The Uchiha sighed softly. "Honestly, Deidara." He sighed. "That boyfriend of yours was a nuisance..."

Deidara's face darkened to a red so brilliant that it matched the colour of Itachi's eyes for a moment. "He's _not_ my boyfriend, yeah. I don't even know the guy, really... Is that my sweater?" The blond suddenly asked, and pointed to the blue piece of clothing that Itachi was now wearing over his shirt.

"Hm? Ah. Yes it is; Sasori told me to give it to you. You left it in his truck." Itachi informed, slowly slipping out of the garment and handing it over to Deidara.

The blond sighed and placed the sweater into his lap before he went back to the card game at hand. "I know I did, yeah. I remembered leaving it there on accident, but I was just waiting for Sasori to give it back."

Hidan and Itachi exchanged glances. Then, slowly, the white haired man grinned and barked with laughter. "How cute!" He exclaimed. "Blondie's got a little crush on Carrot Top!"

"Do not!" Deidara tried to defend himself. But by then, he really wasn't fooling either one of his friends with the cherry colour his face was turning.

"I don't blame you. He _is_ good looking." Itachi mused.

Deidara sighed and plucked another card from the deck. "Yeah. He is."

"I'll be damned." Hidan said, still grinning. "Never thought you'd go after another guy, Dei. Not after--" He paused when Itachi stared straight at him with a warning look, and then remained silent when Deidara's head snapped up and he blinked at him in surprise. "...After...Uh, that douche bag in high school." He muttered instead, not daring to use the name of Deidara's ex-boyfriend. It was a touchy subject for the blond.

Sighing, Deidara looked back down at his cards, motioning for Hidan to go and take his turn. "Yeah, well...that was a long time ago, yeah. And...I don't know. Sasori seems really nice."

"Hm. Well then, you and I might have to team up." Itachi stated rather matter o' factly. He rubbed at his chin thoughtfully.

Deidara quirked a pale brow at him. "Oh really?" He asked in a bored tone. "Why do you say that, yeah?"

"Well, we might be more effective as a team; you, for instance, would work on 'distracting' Sasori whilst I finally snag Kisame for myself." The Uchiha sighed. "I should have thought of that sooner..."

Deidara sighed and rolled his eyes. "It's always about you, yeah..."

Hidan grunted, rearranging his cards. His eyes blinked harshly, and he muttered a few obscenities as his tics persisted. "Well, whatever. Can we just play without interruptions now? Your turn, Dei."

Itachi huffed indignantly, then sighed. "Mm. Whatever." He was about to get up to leave to the other room, maybe go and lie down, read a book or something in order to refrain from boredom, when he spotted something out of the ordinary and paused.

There was something purple and round marring Deidara's milky coloured skin; the mark rested just beneath his jawline, close to his ear. And, in fact, as Itachi strained his eyes and looked a little closer, there was a similar mark on his Adam's Apple.

"Are those..._hickey's_?" The Uchiha asked, in complete shock. Those weren't there when he left that morning!

Deidara tensed up instantly, and he brought one hand up to cover the side of his neck. "No!" He said quickly, looking at Itachi and instantly giving away his lie with the flustered expression that crossed his face.

"Those _are_ hickey's! How in the hell..." Itachi trailed off slowly and then shifted his gaze to the side, eyes landing on a very smug-looking Hidan. "...You."

Hidan shrugged. "What do you expect, Uchiha? You weren't here to harass us; we had free range of the house." He grinned a little wider. "He _totally_ gives better blowjobs than you."

"Hidan!" Deidara yelped, looking positively miffed.

Itachi paled, looking stricken, and then slowly composed himself, narrowing his eyes. His pride wouldn't let him take that comment casually. "Really now? Why don't I show you otherwise?"

"God..." Deidara sighed, dropping his cards. "Look what you did, Hidan, yeah."

"Whoops." Hidan said, feigning surprise as he grunted and blinked his eyes roughly.

The blond was pushing himself up to his feet when Itachi quite suddenly seized his hand and pulled him back onto the ground. "Where do you think you're going, Deidara?" He asked. Slowly, his expression lightened a bit and he smirked at the blond, reaching up to brush away some of Deidara's long fringe. "I need to have some comparison, remember?"

"Oh fuck yeah!" Hidan breathed under his breath.

"Ah, dammit..." Deidara contradicted with a sigh.

Itachi, who found words to be too trivial to bother with at the moment, instead pushed Deidara to the ground, pouncing him like a lion would its prey. Hidan was soon with the both of them, pinning Itachi to Deidara, and Deidara to the floor.

Deidara glared, Hidan grinned, and Itachi was kind of glad that he had come home earlier than expected.

- - -

**I know that it might be moving a little slow on the relationships part, but...I don't want to rush it. xD It'll be boring if they had a first date, sexed, and then were all "LOVE" on each other. xD;**

But anyhow, THANK YOU GUYS WHO HAVE BEEN READING SO FAR. D: I love you guys.

**Hope you enjoy the chapter. xD I should have the next one out soon, as well as a couple of side stories I've been working on. R&R please!  
**


	9. Nave a Puebla, por favor

**Mania**

**A story by Songstone**

**Holy shit, WTH was up with the login thing? xD I wasn't able to log into my account for two days. Huh. Weird. Glad it's working now, anyway. 8D**

**Anyway, LOL. SPANISH TITLE. I'm pretty sure I got the first word wrong, but it basically means "Ship to Puebla, please." xD And also, I made a poll to see what people wanted more in Mania. The majority said Hidan and Kakuzu need to interact more. xD**** And it was good that you guys said that, since I already planned that this would be their chapter. It made it easier. :D**

**So, in short, this one is for all of you guys who've stuck around thus far! Love you all! -major hugs-**

- - -**  
**

**Chapter 9: Nave a Puebla, por favor**

"Look, we said we're sorry!"

"Yeah, we didn't mean to hurt you, Dei! Seriously!"

"Shut the hell up, yeah!" Came the angered reply from inside of the bedroom. A sound like a hiccup and then a light sniffling sound proved what both Hidan and Itachi feared might happen; Deidara had started crying. "You don't just..._do_ that!" The blond continued in a muffled tone; as if he had his face buried deep in his pillow.

Well...at least these weren't tears of sadness. They sounded more like tears born of frustration, more than anything.

"Okay, okay." Itachi said, sighing and pressing his forehead against the closed door to Deidara's room. "We'll go easy next time--"

"Fuck you! You'll be lucky if I even _consider_ a 'next time' you ass!" Deidara was quick to snap.

Hidan, who was clicking his tongue more times than usual, finally grunted, blinked his eyes and swallowed twice. Once that passed, he rolled his eyes, but spoke with a surprisingly soft tone to Deidara through the wooden door. "Look, we're sorry. It was a dumb idea."

"Tch. Was not..." Itachi muttered under his breath as he stood up straight. Hidan glowered down at the Uchiha until the man gave in and spoke up so that Deidara could hear him. "Yeah...dumb idea." Those words hardly sounded genuine when coming from him, however.

The metal springs in Deidara's bed groaned as the blond shifted his weight around a bit, and then he finally gave a huff audible to both of the men outside his door. "It really was..." He mumbled.

Just a moment after, Hidan heard the sound of Deidara's light footsteps across the floor. He also made out faint hisses of pain that the blond made as he treaded across the room. Finally, after Deidara had walked a few painful steps, the door was unlocked and pulled open just a bit. One blue eye stared out at the both of them as the left side of Deidara's face was revealed.

When the few seconds of awkward silence between the three of them didn't seem like it was going to be broken any time soon, Hidan elbowed Itachi in the ribs. After a low groan was muffled and suppressed on the brunette's side, the Uchiha cleared his throat. "Okay...I apologize. It was my fault." He said, dipping his head and moving his hands to show his sincerity.

Hidan nodded approvingly to himself; that was a pretty decent apology. Deidara seemed to think so too, since he relaxed a little bit. Some tension was just beginning to evaporate when Itachi killed the whole mood.

"But I thought you would _like_ double penetration."

Uchiha's. No tact.

"Oh!" Deidara fumed, face going red. He shoved the door the rest of the way open and stood fully before both of them, clad only in a pair of boxers and an over sized nightshirt of Hidan's. He held onto the door frame to keep himself upright. "Do you have _any_ idea how much that hurts, Uchiha? I didn't even ask for both of you to fuck me at once, yeah! In fact, I didn't even _want_ to fuck!" Here, the angry blue eyes landed on Hidan, whose face had crumpled into a look of utter shock at the outburst.

Deidara shifted his eyes over to Itachi once more, then continued. "As if it isn't bad enough that Hidan has a _blood_ fetish," he pointed at his neck, where some fresh purple and blue bite marks were healing quite nicely. "you just _have_ to subject me to more of your 'brilliant' ideas, yeah!"

"Deidara, calm--"

"Shut it, Uchiha." Deidara snapped, holding up a hand to silence the raven haired male before he tried to settle him down. Shakily, the blond took a deep breath, then let it out, glaring at Itachi all the while. "Do you know how much my ass hurts today? I can't even lie down on my back to go to sleep, yeah. It's killing me to stand here." His eyes were shimmering again; on the verge of pooling over.

Again, Itachi chose to grace the hallway with his voice as he meekly waved a hand in front of himself. "Okay...I get it; really. Dumb idea." He gave one of his attempts at a comforting grin and gently placed an arm around the blond's shoulders. "I'm sorry, Dei. Here, how about we make it up to you--"

"_We_?" Hidan and Deidara chorused.

Itachi shut his eyes for a brief moment as he regrouped. "How about _I_ make it up to you by making you something to eat? I'll bring you something hot to drink too." He gently coaxed Deidara to turn around and slowly eased him back into the bedroom, leading him towards the bed.

"M'not hungry..." Deidara mumbled as he shuffled over the floor noisily. However, as he crawled back into bed and settled himself down on his belly to relax, he added; "But you can still bring me something to drink, yeah."

Itachi nodded. "Of course. Just lie there and relax. You'll be back to normal before you know it." He lightly patted Deidara on the head, then stood straight and walked back out of the room. He rejoined Hidan, who was still standing in the doorway looking stricken, and then shut the door quietly, turning to walk back down the hall.

Hidan was occupied with a few smaller tics for a moment, but as he slowly treaded after Itachi and the spasms in his neck and the incessant snapping of his fingers stopped, he spoke up. "Damn. PMS much?"

Itachi snorted. "He's just playing hard to get."

"I don't think he _can_ play hard to get since technically, we both 'got' him." Hidan contradicted with a chastising wag of the finger.

"What I meant was that he liked it, and he just doesn't want to admit it." Itachi said, clarifying his statement.

"Bastard." Hidan snapped his fingers once. "Bastard." Twice. He sighed, smoothed back his hair, and rolled his eyes. "How can you say he liked it? Didn't you just see him? He was throwin' a fuckin' hissy fit. And besides, didn't you just tell him that it was a dumb idea on your part, anyway?"

Itachi slowed for a moment, then stopped and turned (almost causing Hidan to slam into him since he had been walking on his heels) and held up a finger. "Double penetration is _never _a bad idea." He said sternly.

Before Hidan could say more to defy him, the Uchiha turned back around and descended the stairs to go and fix Deidara that drink he wanted.

So, with an exasperated sigh, Hidan turned and set off for his room, since he had to get ready for work.

- - -

"That young man over there--yes, that's the one. With the white hair. How on earth do you allow him to keep working here? I'm appalled!"

"Ma'am, I understand that you might be offended given my employee's language; however--"

"There is no 'however', sir. There could be children in here with their parents and they could hear his vulgarity! I'm certain I'm not the only one whose complained about this."

"No, ma'am, you are not. But if you'd allow me to explain; are you familiar with the neurological disorder 'Tourette's Syndrome'...?"

Hidan sighed as he slapped another layer of clear tape around the pakage he had been given. He stamped it and lay it off to the side of the counter to be taken to the back of the post office after he was finished with the other customers.

He could hear his boss dealing with the woman who had been complaining about his tics as they spoke a little ways towards the door. Iruka always handled things like that pretty well, and he explained about his Tourette's nicely, so Hidan wasn't worried. And by the way the woman he was speaking with started to look his way and gape, he guessed that she must have felt pretty silly for her behavior just a few moments ago.

"Bastard." Hidan's head jerk to the side slightly, and his eyes started blinking roughly. "Bastard." This time, the vocalized tic triggered a physical one, and Hidan dropped the scissors he had been using to cut the tape on another package. He slammed his hand palm-down onto the counter twice, making a rather loud, distracting racket within the post office.

Hidan grunted a couple of more times, but slowly cleared his throat after a few moments, regaining himself enough to pick up the scissors again and continue about his job. He ignored the odd looks he got from the other customers, already so used to them that he hardly even cared.

His co-workers had more or less already gotten used to hearing such noises from him after having him working there for nearly three months, so at least they weren't laughing or anything of the sort.

Sighing and using the polite call that Iruka had taught him, Hidan spoke towards the line of waiting people; "Can I help the next customer, please?" He didn't even look up from the rolls of dimes that he was unrolling and putting away, but he heard as his next customer approached his counter and set a package onto it.

"Okay, how can I--" Hidan paused when he finally lifted his head and noticed who the person in front of him was.

"Huh. Small world." The customer snorted.

"You!" Hidan gasped under his breath, eyes narrowing.

"Yeah, me. I didn't know you worked here. 'Sup, Squeaky?" Kakuzu's lips curled up into a small smirk as he leaned an arm against the counter in front of Hidan. He was looking quite amused over this unexpected run-in.

"Shut the fu--...heck up." Hidan said, quickly catching himself before he swore. Iruka tolerated his tics and was actually very understanding, but he wouldn't stand for Hidan to be swearing intentionally while he was working.

Kakuzu, however, only found that near-curse-word hilarious since he gave a bark of laughter that actually startled Hidan as he stood across the counter from the brunette. "Oh, right; bosses don't like bad words. Gotcha." He said, sniggering.

Hidan's eyes narrowed again, until they were mere slits. His mouth started to take odd shapes, then, and he let out a few low grunts and yelps as his tics came back to bother him for the moment. They weren't severe, so Hidan recovered speedily and punched in a button on his computer. "Where's this goin'?" He asked, tapping the side of the package Kakuzu had set onto the counter.

He might not like this guy (okay, being honest, he kind of _hated_ this guy), but he was still a customer. Hidan had to follow the same rules and regulations that he followed when dealing with any other individual. Might as well hurry it up here and get this guy out of the post office as soon as possible.

"Puebla." Kakuzu replied, nicking one of the lolipops from the 'take one only!' basket at Hidan's station and stuffing it into his pocket.

Hidan typed the name of the city into the computer, then paused. "...Puebla? Like, Mexico?" He asked, eyebrow raised. He was mildly curious about why this guy was shipping to _Mexico_, but he didn't ask, of course.

"Duh." Kakuzu rolled his eyes.

Slowly nodding, Hidan confirmed that, then cleared his throat and grabbed the box, pulling it over towards himself. It was pretty heavy, actually. Geez, what was this guy shipping? Rocks? Nevertheless, he had Kakuzu sign the needed papers, then went about summing up the cost of the whole package.

Actually, it was quite gratifying to see Kakuzu blanch when he heard the price for shipping the box. Hidan smirked as the brunette turned a few shades lighter and paused with his hand stuck into his wallet.

"_Seriously_?" He asked, green eyes wide as he turned to look at Hidan, genuinely, for the first time.

Hidan shrugged. "Shipping international ain't cheap. Now, cash or credit?"

Frowning and looking between his wallet and the package on the counter, Kakuzu released a loud sigh. Slowly, almost as if it pained him, he pulled a credit card out from the bound leather case. "Credit..." He muttered, very slowly sliding it across the counter towards Hidan.

The white haired man snatched up the credit card quickly out of Kakuzu's fingers, then swiped it in the machine over the cash register without a moment of hesitation. Hidan was quite enjoying himself, since he thought he might have found this guy's weakness judging by the way he paled and clenched his fists; his money.

"Hey, Squeaky. Can you put extra tape on that box? N' can you mark it fragile?" The brunette asked, not quite looking at Hidan as he worked at charging the amount onto the card. Kakuzu only turned back to fully face the other when Hidan had handed the card back and he was able to put it safely away in his wallet once more.

"Only if you stop calling me that ridiculous--" He grunted and snapped his fingers, then made a yelping kind of sound before he continued. "--if you stop calling me that name."

It took a moment, but then Kakuzu smirked again. He chuckled dryly. "Fine. _Hidan_, would you put extra tape on the box and mark it fragile?" He asked, rolling his eyes. He sounded as if he were indulging a child's request and finding it horribly amusing.

Even if his blood boiled from the way that Kakuzu had said that, Hidan couldn't deny the brunette anything. He had already payed after all. "Gotcha." He said, grabbing up the roll of tape from before. As he worked on wrapping (carefully, since he didn't want to risk breaking anything inside) he checked the calender he kept by his computer. "This should get there in about two or three days."

"Mm." Kakuzu nodded. "Good to know."

Finishing with three sides in mere seconds, Hidan sealed up the bottom part of the box with the tape and ripped it apart from the roll with his teeth. As he reached back and grabbed the stamp that read 'fragile', he just couldn't help his curiosity. "Hope you aren't mailing, like, drugs or something." He said, snorting in amusement.

Kakuzu grunted and rolled his eyes. "Well, it's none of your business, but I can tell you that it's not drugs." He said, tapping his fingers on the counter.

"Just curious." Hidan shrugged, clicking his tongue a few times. "You seem like the smuggling type."

"Even if I was, that's my business. Not yours." Kakuzu informed him shortly. Then leaning on his elbow as he rested it on the counter, the brunette sighed. "It's just shit for my mom, okay?"

Hidan blinked in surprise up at the other. Then slowly, he smirked and let out a snort. "Your mom? You're from Mexico?"

"_Está eso un problema_?" Kakuzu retorted in a flawless Spanish accent. It completely took Hidan off guard.

"No idea what you just said, but whatever..." He said, shrugging casually. Actually, now that he thought about it, what with that tan and the dark hair, Kakuzu did have the features of a Mexican man. It was just his eyes that were a little different, but nonetheless...

Kakuzu laughed dryly. "You need to study some basic Spanish then,_ chillón_."

Hidan blinked at him for a moment in confusion as he moved the package off to the side along with the other one from before. He snapped his fingers a few times, eyes now blinking roughly. "What the...heck does that mean?" He asked, frowning since he hated having to be careful of his words.

Kakuzu shrugged. "You tell me." He pushed himself away from the counter then, and stuffed his hands down his pants pockets. "Well, I'll be off if everything is done. See you later, Twitchy." He said, turning and stalking off calmly, even while Hidan fumed and glared holes into the back of his head.

"That...that..." Hidan couldn't find a word to properly describe the other man without swearing intentionally. He gave an annoyed kind of growl, clenching and unclenching his fists as he watched the brunette leave the building.

And then, something unusual; his tics decided to swoop in at just the right time. His eyes blinked and he slammed his hands on the counter a couple of times, but most importantly Hidan was able to finish his sentence about Kakuzu with a clean conscience. "Bastard."

- - -

"Puebla?" Itachi tilted his head.

"That's in Mexico, yeah?" Deidara asked, still lying in the same position that Hidan had last seen him in that morning. He was lying flat on his stomach, pillowing his head on his arms.

"Yeah." Hidan nodded, stretching out besides Deidara on the blond's bed.

Itachi remained standing besides the headboard. Apparently, that had been the Uchiha's post today, since he had been 'making up' with Deidara by playing errand boy for him all day. Hidan had rolled his eyes when he'd heard that; trust Itachi to do that for Deidara. The raven haired man had always held a sort of soft spot for Deidara, after all.

And Deidara _did_ seem to be in better spirits now. He wasn't mad anymore; or at least not mad enough to give either of his friend's the silent treatment. He was still in pain, and he made sure to let both of them know it, but for the time being, he was relatively back to normal.

"He said he was mailing stuff to his mom." Hidan said, recounting his conversation with Kakuzu earlier that afternoon.

"In Mexico?" Itachi asked. "Hn. That's interesting."

"He's Mexican, huh?" Deidara asked. But he said it flatly, since he knew he would only be stating the obvious otherwise.

"Yeah, go figure. And then he starts saying shit to me in Spanish. And I don't fuckin' understand him." The albino grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest as he sighed again.

Itachi hummed and tapped at his chin, looking oblivious to his other two friends for the moment. "A Latin lover...I've always wanted one..." He mused, almost as if he were talking about an object rather than a person.

"Well, what did he say?" Deidara asked, ignoring Itachi's words. He propped himself up onto his elbows a bit so that he could look over at Hidan fully. "I studied Spanish in Highschool, remember? Maybe I can translate, yeah."

Taking a moment to think it over, Hidan slowly shook his head. "I don't remember, Dei." His head jerked a bit and he grunted quite loudly. He clicked his tongue. "Ah...but do you know what _chillón _means?" His pronunciation of the word was terrible, but he had never spoken a Spanish word in his life before, so he expected nothing less.

"_Chillón_?" Deidara asked, quirking a brow.

"Yeah, the fucker called me that. Was'sit mean?"

The blond took a moment to think it over, and then, when he seemed to have figured out the meaning, he bit his lip and looked over at Itachi, who had snapped out of his day-dreaming state and merely blinked down at Deidara in return. After receiving no help from the raven haired man, the blond looked back to Hidan.

Giving a small chuckle, Deidara scratched absently at his head. "Well, basically, _chillón _means something...shrill, yeah. You know. Like...loud, shrill, noisy...Something that's--"

"...Sqeaky." Hidan gasped, eyes widened a bit as he figured it out. "That bastard! He called me Squeaky in another damn language!" He shot up from the bed so fast that both Itachi and Deidara scooted a few inches back in surprise. "I should kick his ass!"

"Now, Hidan, calm down." Itachi said, waving a hand at his friend.

"Shut it, Uchiha! You're not the one being called _Twitchy _or _Squeaky_! I'm not fuckin' squeaky, dammit! And. I. Don't. Twitch. On. Purpose!" Hidan tore at his hair in anger, beginning to pace around the room as he grumbled a few more swear words under his breath.

At last, after a few tense minutes, Hidan settled back onto the bed. But he only calmed down entirely when he had gotten an idea and his face had brightened up. "Dei, darling." He said, turning to face his friend. He put on an obviously exaggerated, sugary-sweet smile. "You must have picked up on some swear words while studying Spanish...think you can teach me a few?"

And he even gave Deidara The Eyes, just to ensure he couldn't refuse.

- - -

**I couldn't resist making Kakuzu Mexican. He kind of LOOKS Mexican, don't you think? xD And OMG, I wish he would speak Spanish! He would sound so SEXY. xD**

-waits for Shippuden to come out in Mexico so she can hear his voice- ... -will be waiting for a while-

**Also, poor Deidara. D: But it seemed like something that would happen. xD;; Poor boy. He's gonna break in two one day, the way Hidan and Itachi handle him.**

So anyhow, that about wraps it all up! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I hope to have chapter 10 (OMG!) out soon. Feedback and reviews are loved! :'D 


	10. Strategy

**Mania**

**..::..**

**...Uhm...**

This only took me forever to finish, right?

Sorry, I haven't been very inspired to write as of late. xD;

But...I finished. That counts for something!

**..::..**

**Chapter 10: Strategy  
**

"So...this is the book I need? For sure?"

"Yes ma'am. Professor Hatake requested the ninth edition specifically."

"All right. Thank you!"

Itachi nodded and gave the woman he had been helping a small smile. "Not a problem." He turned and pointed towards the check-out counter, near the front of the store. "You can pay over there; just line up behind the yellow tape."

As the woman thanked him again and wandered off towards the counter (toting the three rather heavy books that she was buying), Itachi's attention turned towards the entrance; the bell overhead had sounded, signaling a new costumer.

For a weekend, the bookstore was quite busy; many college students were coming in to get the books needed for their classes, most of which were starting the following Monday.

Itachi usually only worked from three in the afternoon to seven in the evening on weekdays, but since one of his co-workers had called in sick, he had offered to work his shift. It wasn't like he couldn't use the extra money, anyway. He was a little late coming up with his share of the rent this month.

As it was, it was only Itachi working customer service while Shikamaru, the store-owner's kid, worked the cash register. The boy's mother and father were in the back office, either making new orders or having lunch. Itachi couldn't be sure with those two.

So, once hearing the bell, the Uchiha quickly skirted out from between the aisles of text books and made his way towards the front of the store. He paused only for a moment as he got a look at who the customer was, and then he slowly smiled, lifting his hand in a casual wave. "Hey, Deidara."

The blond grinned in return and waved back, eagerly stepping towards the raven haired man. "Hey." He greeted. "How's work?"

"Tiresome." Itachi shrugged. "But it wouldn't be called work if that wasn't so." He turned and put an arm around Deidara's shoulders, leading him towards the college books. "Which ones did you need again?"

"Art Appreciation, 1301." Deidara said, for once not pulling away from Itachi's hold. He could tell that the Uchiha wasn't going to pull anything funny while he was working, probably.

"Do you have your schedule to be sure that that's the only one you need?" Itachi asked, raising an eyebrow skeptically as he wandered over to the A section, where he would find the proper book.

"Well, no." The blond said, shaking his head. "But I read the paper already, yeah. I already bought the Keys To Success book, and all of the general books. This is the last one."

Ah yes. Photographic memory. How could Itachi forget that handy little talent of Deidara's?

"Right, right." He released the smaller male in order to reach up onto the shelf; he pulled down one of the books titled 'Living With Art' and looked it over carefully, making sure that it wasn't too damaged. "This one's used, and in pretty good shape. It's seventy-three seventy-five." He said, handing it over to Deidara for the blond to examine if he so wished.

Deidara took the book, flipping through it aimlessly. He hummed something, then shrugged and nodded. "Okay, I'll take this one, yeah." He said, grinning up at his friend.

Itachi smiled in return and then nodded over towards the counter where Shikamaru was now finishing up bagging the books for the young lady Itachi had assisted earlier. "You know where to pay."

"Yeah." The blond nodded and shifted the book into his right arm as he fixed his bangs with the left. "So, when do you get off for lunch, yeah? Maybe I can give you a lift somewhere close-by so that you can eat."

"Are you actually offering to go and get lunch with me?" Itachi asked, genuinely surprised by the offer. "To eat?"

Deidara fixed him with a stern look. "For _you_ to get something. I'm sure you're hungry, yeah? I already ate." When Itachi only blinked at him skeptically, the blond sighed. "Hidan force-fed me some rice when I took _him_ out to lunch."

Hn. Seemed like something Hidan would do. Slowly, Itachi nodded his head. "Sure. I was supposed to take my break fifteen minutes ago, actually. I'll see if I can go now."

"Okay." Deidara beamed and took his books towards the counter where Shikamaru was so that he could pay.

Itachi began to wander towards the back of the store, to where the small office was, but Shikamaru stopped him by calling out to him from behind the cash register.

"Go take your break, Uchiha. My dad won't care." He yawned tiredly as he took Deidara's book and rang up the price on the register.

Itachi turned back around to face the teenager and tilted his head, looking skeptical. "Are you sure? I don't want to get fired."

Shikamaru scoffed, looking as if it were a huge inconvenience to have to explain. "You're late for your break, like you said. I'll let mom and dad know where you went--if they ever even come out of their office." He shrugged. "They probably won't even notice anyway."

"What about the customers?"

"Tch." Shikamaru shrugged. "It's not like I don't know where the books are. It's a pain, but I can show people their books."

"Hn." The Uchiha considered it, looked over at the closed office door, then nodded slowly. "Fine." He slipped off the name tag he wore around his neck and hung it up on a nail behind the book wrapping area. "Thanks, Shikamaru."

"Whatever." The boy yawned again, then pushed Deidara's book back over the counter towards him once he was done charging him the amount.

"Thanks." Deidara said to the younger boy. He smiled and waved in departure as he grabbed his book and joined Itachi, who held the door open for him so that they could leave.

Shikamaru, still left at the register, cracked a small smile as he watched Deidara leave after his friend. He shook his head faintly after them. "Weirdos..."

Yeah, Deidara often had the ability to gain friends and admirers pretty much anywhere he went.

- - -

"Are you sure? Just take a bite. Please?"

"Ew, no, it smells bad."

"Have some fries, then."

"No thanks, yeah."

Sighing, Itachi pulled back his tuna sandwhich and took a small bite from it. He didn't like eating across from Deidara when the blond wasn't having anything, himself. It just made him feel bad. But Deidara insisted, and Itachi had skipped breakfast this morning, so he was eager to have something in his belly.

"So, how was Hidan?" The Uchiha asked, trying to strike up a conversation to pass the time as he ate.

Deidara shrugged, positioning his hand beneath his chin as he leaned against the table. "He was really mad, yeah."

"Why?"

"He says some costumer cussed him out after he had a tic." Itachi snorted while Deidara just shook his head.

"Besides _those_ kind of customers, he seems to enjoy working there, though."

The blond nodded in agreement. "Yeah." He smiled faintly and reached across the table, stealing away Itachi's glass of lemonaide and sipping from the straw absently.

Itachi didn't protest about it. He did, however, wink and make a comment on how Deidara really ought to try and be a bit less aluring if he didn't want Itachi to have his hands all over him soon.

"Just eat your smelly sandwich and lay off me, yeah." Deidara instructed, his cheeks turning pink. He slid Itachi's drink back across the table at him.

Itachi gave a small laugh to that, and playfully nudged Deidara's foot with his own beneath the table. To be completely honest, however, Itachi was so exhausted from his classes earlier that morning, and his overtime at work, that he wasn't in the mood for sex. He was completely horrified with himself. This had never happened before.

But oh well. What he wouldn't do now, he'd make up for later. He'd be sure of it.

A small bout of conversation carried the two friends to the topic of movies and fashion, and Deidara was just beginning to explain his need for a completely new wardrobe, when he was cut off by a muffled ringing sound.

The blond blinked for a little bit, thrown off-topic, and then just tilted his head across the table at his friend. "Itachi, I think your pants are ringing, yeah."

Itachi was already fumbling for his phone and prying it out from his pants pocket (which was quite a hard thing to do, given that Itachi liked to wear his slacks rather snug). "I know, I know..." He muttered.

Once succeeding in retrieving his phone, he quickly checked his caller ID. Instantaneously, Itachi's face brightened up as he smiled. It was rare for Itachi to just..._beam_ like that, so Deidara knew that it was someone important.

"Who is it, yeah?" The blond questioned. He didn't get a direct answer in return, but when Itachi had flipped open his phone and spoken, he soon found out who was on the other end.

"Sasuke!" Itachi said into the reciever, grinning. "How are you, little brother?"

"Oh." Deidara breathed silently, smiling faintly as well.

Itachi and Sasuke were very close. It seemed that Itachi really only let his hair down (so to say) around his little brother. They had a lot of fun together. It really was a shame that they lived apart from one another, but Itachi's school was a couple of towns away from Sasuke and their mother. Well, at least they talked over the phone often.

"This weekend? Oh, no, no. I don't have anything special coming up..." Itachi nodded to himself a few times, then looked across the table at Deidara. Still smiling.

Deidara returned the grin, though it was a little on the creepy side to have Itachi smile at him like that.

"What about Mom? Oh. Well, that's all right. I'll visit her soon, too." As Sasuke began to speak from the other end of the phone, Itachi made a few 'mm-hmm' sounds, and took a couple of more

bites from his sandwhich in the meantime.

Deidara sipped from Itachi's drink again to pass the time, taking a sweeping look around the small cafe they had decided to eat in. It was a quaint place. Not too small, but not exactly large, either. It had an antique kind of feel to it; the waitresses all wore those old kind of aprons, carried notepads in the pocket, and stuck pencils behind their ears. Deidara rather liked the place, actually.

So, when the blond had finally taken note of someone very familiar sitting just a couple of tables away from him and Itachi, he was thrown off-guard. He coughed a little bit as he swallowed the lemonaide wrong, and quickly patted himself on the chest, all while ducking his head low, trying to avoid being noticed.

"Okay." The elder Uchiha said into the phone, around a small mouthful of food. He shot Deidara a slightly concerned look, then just shook his head faintly. He leaned back into the phone. "I'll pick you up at the bus station. Friday evening. Got it." He let Sasuke talk for a bit more, then hung up the phone after a short 'love you too, little brother'.

"What's wrong with _you_?" Itachi asked, raising an eyebrow down at Deidara as soon as his phone conversation was over. "Oh, and Sasuke says hello."

"Shh..." Deidara lifted his head just enough to show Itachi his finger as he pressed it against his lips. "At the counter, yeah." He said, and moved his eyes in the mentioned direction.

Confused, Itachi turned his head a bit and glanced towards the counter, just beyond a few tables from where they sat.

Hm, an old couple sat there, reading a newspaper and making small talk; a long-legged young woman, sipping coffee; and lastly, a tall brunette, with stitches lined up on either side of his mouth. It took only a second before Itachi recognized him as Hidan's new rival, Kakuzu.

"Oh." Itachi said in mild surprise. But surely Kakuzu wasn't the reason that Deidara had panicked and ducked so low. Sure, the blond was intimidated by the guy, but... Looking around Kakuzu's rather large form, Itachi soon found the source of Deidara's behaviour.

"Your boyfriend?" The Uchiha asked, looking back to Deidara after a moment of observing Kakuzu interact with Sasori, who sat besides him, and was almost hidden from view completely by the brunette's hulky form.

"He is _not_ my boyfriend, yeah!" Deidara hissed, face flushing.

Itachi smiled. "You're blushing."

"Shut up..."

Giving a small chuckle, Itachi just shook his head. "Why don't you go over and talk to him? You know, instead of trying to hide, and blushing like some teenage girl." He suggested, resting his chin in the palm of his hand as he leaned against the table.

"Yeah right." Deidara grumbled. "I'm not going anywhere near that other guy, yeah..."

"Who? Kakuzu? Pfft." Itachi rolled his eyes. "I'm sure he's harmless."

"He's twice my size!"

"So? He's twice Sasori's size, too, and they seem to be getting along just fine."

"Yeah, but they're _friends_." Deidara sighed. "I'm not risking it."

"Oh honestly..." Itachi rolled his eyes. "Just go over and ask to borrow Sasori for a little while. It's not a big deal." He dusted his fingers off as he finished the last bit of his food, and reached back over the table to reclaim his drink and wash everything down.

Deidara pouted, looking annoyed, and leaned against his elbows on the table. "That's easy for you to say, yeah..."

With a smile, Itachi slid his drink back into the center of the table. Licking his lips absently, he slowly began to slide out from the booth they were seated at. "Okay then. I'll help you."

"What? No! Itachi!" Deidara hissed, looking petrified of what Itachi might do. He tried to grab for his friend's arm, but the Uchiha shook him off nonchalantly and winked back at him before he strutted his way over to where Kakuzu and Sasori sat.

"Oh no..." Deidara moaned, sinking a bit lower into his seat. He could only watch helplessly as Itachi ever so tastefully inturrupted the two mens' conversation by patting Kakuzu on the arm. His hand lingered a few seconds longer than necissary before ghosting down the older man's arm and releasing him completely.

Itachi's body language screamed _flirtatious_, and even from across the restraunt, Deidara was cringing as he imagined all of the things that his friend could be saying. Itachi could be quite crude when flirting, intentionally or not.

Itachi lied his hand back onto Kakuzu's arm as he continued to speak.

And then, in a display that stunned Deidara for a moment, Kakuzu not only allowed the touch to last over five seconds, he moved himself closer to Itachi and leaned an arm against the counter while he all but towered over Itachi's lithe frame.

Was he...flirting back?

Green eyes were cast down Sasori's way, and then Kakuzu was nodding with his head down at his friend, looking suddenly bothered by Sasori's presence.

Sasori rolled his eyes in responce to Kakuzu's look, but turned in the barstool and stepped down, stuffing his hands in his pockets and apparently ready to leave.

That is, until he noticed Deidara's eyes on him.

The blond felt his heart skip a beat as Sasori slowed his departure and eventually began to move Deidara's way instead of towards the door.

"Your friend ditched you, too?" The redhead inquired once he was besides the table. He seemed mildly irritated, but otherwise rather friendly towards the blond.

"Uhm...yeah, I guess so..." Deidara shrugged his shoulders, eyes looking to the salt shaker as he played with it between his fingers.

After a moment of silence between the two of them, Sasori shifted a bit and nodded down at the plate Itachi had left at the table. "You already ate?"

"Huh? Oh... Yeah." The blond nodded. That was an easy enough lie, since he already ate earlier anyway.

"Hm." The redhead nodded once. "Well..." He glanced over his shoulder at Itachi and Kakuzu, made a face as he saw the two of them closer than before, and then looked back down at Deidara. "Wanna get out of here, then?"

The blond considered this thought. Well, Itachi had his own set of keys to the car to get back to work by himself... Deidara didn't have anywhere to be that particular day... And, well, he was kind of liking the idea of going somewhere with this guy.

"Sure." Deidara smiled briefly, combing back some hair with his fingers as he slid out of the booth and stood straight.

Sasori nodded once, gave a hint of a smile, and then turned and walked off towards the exit. "Come on, then."

"Ah...! Coming!" Deidara assured, beginning to take off after the redhead. He cast a glance back at Itachi, who seemed pretty absorbed in his flirting with Kakuzu.

When the Uchiha had a spare moment to look Deidara's way, the blond smiled and mouthed the words 'thank you' to him. Itachi grinned and winked back at him discretely.

Sasori and Deidara left the restraunt together. The bell over the door rang and signalled their departure.

**..::..**

**I have to warn you guys about the upcoming chapters!**

...There won't be any for a while. I'm going to be rewriting the older chapters first.

They bother me. xD

So...expect some changes. xD

But anyway...enjoy!


	11. The Lament of the Unlucky

**Mania**

* * *

**HA!**

**It's up!**

**Ask and you shall receive, guys! ...Two years later orz**

**Anyway, I really hope that you all can forgive the unnecessary long wait. And I hope that the upcoming KakuHida is enough to make up for that? :'D;;**

**And sorry if this chapter seems rushed. I really wanted to get this out to you all ASAP. So I hurried my butt up and here you go, guys. I love you, and you all are awesome, and I really hope you guys still love me and enjoy the story! 3**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 11: The Lament of the Unlucky**

As the bell over the door rang, signaling Deidara's exit with Sasori, Itachi smiled. How sweet. His friend was finally getting that 'date' that Itachi knew Deidara had been wanting. That smile still on his lips, he lifted his eyes back up to Kakuzu and instantly paused, his smile fading ever so slowly.

Shit.

"Now look, Red-eye," Kakuzu was saying, his towering form over Itachi intimidating the man more than he wanted to let on. "I'm not Kisame. I'm not interested in whatever plethora of diseases you have to offer. And who the _fuck_," his arm flexed a bit, his biceps (though an extreme turn on) giving Itachi a nervous feeling in his stomach. Like he was going to be smashed into the ground. "do you think you are? Trying to flirt with me? Seriously, kid? Are you several kinds of stupid?"

Itachi swallowed hard, and though he tried to hold himself back, he couldn't seem to get his mind to focus. He wanted to, because he didn't want to get his teeth knocked in by this man. He had to go back to work in about five minutes after all. Yet, with all that Kakuzu had said, and his close proximity and threatening aura, Itachi could only seem to focus on one thing, and voiced his curiosity.

"Kisame's interested in me?"

Surprisingly, those words were enough to make Kakuzu stop his little terror show, and he made a face, quirking a brow down at Itachi. "Uh..." He said, looking a bit baffled. He removed his arm from Itachi's side, and crossed his arms over his chest instead. "Seriously, kid?" He asked.

Itachi smiled, feeling a lot bolder now without Kakuzu's restricting presence so close. He slipped a bit off to the side to put some distance between the man and himself. "Sorry. I sometimes can't help myself." He said. "So I see it's no surprise to know that I find your friend extremely attractive."

Kakuzu rolled his green eyes. "It was never a secret in the first place. Anyone with functioning eyes can see you're wet for him." He said with a scoff. "So then, tell me something, Red-eye..." He said, and eyed the Uchiha with a piercing stare. "Why were you flirting with _me_ if it's Kisame that you want so badly?"

Itachi chuckled at that. "Oh my...is it that hard to understand?" He asked. At Kakuzu's inquisitive and rather annoyed stare, Itachi quickly clarified. "Didn't you notice your little bedhead-redhead leaving with my lovely Deidara?"

This put pause to the dark skinned man's irritated glare. He blinked once. Twice. Ah. There, the sudden realization dawning on him was visible in his facial expression. Itachi smiled.

"So...all that touchin' on me, and that crap about going someplace quiet and dark...?"

"A simple decoy, in order for Sasori to leave us and find Deidara." Itachi said and shrugged.

Kakuzu stared at him as if he were the stupidest thing he had ever seen in his life. But then his expression changed, and he was grinning as if Itachi were a genius. Of course, the Uchiha didn't need to hear it from this man to know it to be true.

"Wow. You're sleazy, you know that?" Kakuzu asked, and laughed. "Sleazy, but very tricky. I like that." He said, reaching over with his hand. For one terrifying moment, Itachi thought that he was about to be slapped. But then Kakuzu simply patted his shoulder in an appraising manner, and the Uchiha sighed in relief.

"Uhm. Thank you, I believe." Itachi said, and scowled somewhat at the other's words. Hmph. Sleazy? Well!

"What if I hadn't told Sasori to leave me alone? What if I hadn't waited and pounded your face in right then and there?" Kakuzu asked, a smirk still playing at his lips.

Itachi shrugged. "A sacrifice I would have endured for my beloved." He said, and winked as he placed a hand over his heart. Soon he dropped the act and checked his watch. "But I really ought to be getting back to work." He said, and fished around in the front of his jeans for his car keys. He had to fumble a bit to remove them from his trousers because of how form fitting they were, but soon enough he had them in his hand and twirled them around his index finger.

"Right." Kakuzu nodded, still smirking and looking amused.

Itachi smiled and waved, turning to leave after he placed some money besides the cash register to pay for his meal, but stopped short as he heard Kakuzu call out to him in his ever-unflattering manner.

"Hey, Red-eye."

"Yes?" Itachi asked, and glanced over his shoulder, hand on the door.

"I'll put in a good word for you. To Kisame, I mean."

Itachi could swear his dick twitched, and he smiled wider before he left the restaurant completely.

* * *

Well _shit._

Damn weather man, had shit for brains. He couldn't get a forecast right if his balls were being threatened by a hammer and a spike.

'_Slightly cloudy' my ass…_

And fucking Itachi. What the hell was his problem taking the mother fucking car without even thinking about how Hidan was going to get home? He worked across fucking town, and that bimbo drives off without so much as one ounce of concern? So his brother was coming to town; big fuckin' whoop. The kid could wait at least thirty minutes while Itachi picked Hidan up, dropped him off, and then set out towards the bus station.

And fuck! Why the _hell_ had Deidara insisted on that damn house of theirs? They lived right smack-fucking-dab in the middle of town. Going anywhere was hell; damn city was huge.

And of course, that brought Hidan back to the situation at hand. Right. Weather man. He was going to get one very angry phone call from the white haired man, as soon as he got home and dried off. Yes, dried off, considering it was _pouring like Niagara-fucking-Falls_ outside. Hidan had been soaked to the bone long ago.

"Fuck." Hidan spat; a tic. "Fuck."

Walking home was tedious.

There was literally nothing else that could ruin Hidan's day. He had been having an all right day considering that his tics had been calmer. But customers frustrated the ever loving crap out of him sometimes, and he really had wanted to slap some impatient bitch in line every time she fucking sighed it was like nails on a chalkboard, ohfuckinghellshewasannoying.

And now this. Reduced to walking home in the damn rain. Beautiful. Fan-fucking-tastic. He rolled his pale carmine eyes, blinking roughly against the water dripping down from his loose hair (ruined by the rain) into his eyes. It was driving him up the wall and he just wanted to get somewhere warm, but like hell he was going to wait around for Itachi and his damn clone to come get him. He could probably get home on foot faster than it would be to wait around for a car ride from the two Uchiha's. Once they got to talking and reminiscing, forget about it.

_VRRRRRRRR-_

"Augh! Sonova-!"

Hidan's day just got worse.

"What the fuck, you asshole! Prick! Douche bag! Cunt! Bastard!" All right. Just what part of that was his Tourette's Syndrome, and which part was him? Hidan wasn't sure anymore. All he was sure of was that some complete idiot had just splashed him with icy, muddy water as they sped down the road. He gave a hard shudder and his arms quickly shot up to hold himself. "This shit's fuckin' freezing…"

He paused in his steps for a moment when he came to realize that the car that had just splashed and dirtied him suddenly had its break lights on.

"Fuck. Fuck." Hidan blinked his eyes. Oh shit. Was that guy…reversing? Ah yes. It was.

Shit. Had the driver maybe heard his swearing? Dammit, that wasn't good. Hidan heaved a sigh, wondering if he was perhaps in some kind of trouble here, and if he should get the fuck out of there before things got messy. Well, it wasn't like he could out run a car, anyway. Why make things harder on himself by getting off track?

Hidan watched with cautious eyes as the '95 Lincoln revered all the way to where he was walking. It was a sleek black color, but clearly in deteriorating condition. There was rust adorning the muffler as well as the rims of the tires and the fender. Ignoring the shape that the car was in, Hidan was soon snapped back to attention as the dark tinted window on the passenger's side rolled down. Out of pure curiosity, Hidan ducked his head and peered inside.

"What the fuck!"

"Buenas tardes." A calm, baritone greeted.

"You prick!"

Honestly. Out of all the damn guys that Hidan could have run into! It had to be this fucker? Really? The white haired man couldn't believe his luck. Damn. And he had splashed him, that asshole. Hidan's face went red with anger.

Kakuzu laughed at him then, making Hidan's tics worse as they came out of hiding and made him call the darker male all kinds of names. But instead of growing irate, Kakuzu instead gave the younger man a smirk. "Sorry. Did I manage to get you dirty? Well, not like the rain hasn't washed most of the mud away, anyway." He said, and shrugged.

Hidan swore a bit more vigorously.

"Anyway, where's your little posse?" Kakuzu continued as if oblivious to Hidan's verbal tics. "Don't you have a car all your own, Twitchy?"

"Tch! Don't have it, obviously, dipshit." Hidan said, and snorted, rolling his eyes. "If I had it, I wouldn't be walking!"

"Hm. Going home?"

"Why the fuck do you care?" Hidan was really just put off by the sudden interest that the dark skinned male seemed to suddenly have in him. He had grown used to arguing and fist fighting with this guy over the beginning months of college. To have him speaking to him so calmly and curiously was freaking him out.

"I'm going to offer you a ride." Kakuzu stated very matter of fact.

"You…why?" The white haired man couldn't help the suddenly shocked tone that his voice acquired.

"What the hell do you care? You like walking in the damn rain? Get the fuck in the damn car, Twitchy." Reaching over, Kakuzu pulled up the lock on the passenger side door.

Shit. Hidan bit his lip. He really wanted to get out of the rain, but a part of him warned that if he got into the car with this man, that he wasn't going to get back out alive. After all, they had spent the first month and a half of college making each other miserable. And this guy had fucking flip-thrown him. Why the hell should he trust him?

But Hidan really, really wanted to get out of the rain.

"Fuckin' fine, asshole. Only because you owe me for getting me muddy." It wasn't because he was freezing his balls off and his feet were sore from a long walk and a hard day at work. Of course not. He was just claiming what was owed to him.

"Whatever, just tell me where to go." Kakuzu snapped back as Hidan slammed the door shut. The man put the Lincoln back into drive and began to work his way down the road, wipers on full speed against the heavy torrent of rain.

"I live on Iwa." Hidan said, shivering a bit as the cool air from the a/c hit him square in the face. He growled and shoved the vent up, blocking most of the air that was making him even colder than he already was.

"Shit. Iwa Street? And you were gonna walk there?" Kakuzu asked, quirking one thin eyebrow at Hidan before he shook his head. "Tch. Idiot…"

"Shut the fuck up…" Hidan sighed, rolling his eyes. He was in no mood for this. He just wanted to get home, dammit…

However, Hidan's luck didn't continue on that long. He discovered this little tidbit of information about five minutes later when Kakuzu's windshield wipers, already old and worn, suddenly stopped working. With the rain in such a constant downpour and with no way to clear his line of vision, Kakuzu was forced to pull over on the side of the road.

And of course, they were in a residential area by then. No shops to take shelter in. Hidan was stuck in Kakuzu's car. With Kakuzu himself. Fuck.

Also, the way the thunder clapped over their heads and shook them in their seats, Hidan made a guess that the storm was no where _near_ over yet.

Well _shit. _Damn weather man, had shit for brains...


End file.
